Sarah's Choice

Foreword

Everyone enjoys singing along when you know the singer means the lyrics she sings. Everyone likes to listen to a speaker you know is passionate about the topic he or she addresses. Everyone relishes reading a book when you know the author writes from the heart and draws from a wealth of experience.

With these thoughts in mind, can I let you in on a secret?

You’re gonna love Sarah’s Choice! In this novel, my good friend Rebecca St. James along with best-selling author Nancy Rue, share a story that will reach you on so many levels. Their writing is just like her singing . . . fresh, creative, and from the heart . . . bold yet compassionate, knowledgeable but gracious, and funny yet honest.

In America, it’s easy to become numb to the numbers: Over fifty million abortions in the past four decades. But thankfully, people like Rebecca and Nancy boldly keep the issue before us. Being a family friend of Rebecca’s for years, I know that she has used her music platform to encourage countless women to make wise decisions with their unplanned pregnancy. Rebecca truly cares. She’s helped support crisis pregnancy centers nationwide and mentored struggling young women. She’s also helped many find healing and hope after an abortion.

Rebecca and Nancy are both mothers, and one can’t help but wonder if their love for the unborn comes shining through in these pages because of this. Perhaps especially since this book was written while Rebecca was pregnant with her first child.

God is good.

May Sarah’s Choice remind you of that truth.

Dave Stone

Pastor, Southeast

Christian Church

Chapter One

Last night’s dinner was up before Sarah that morning. Between tripping over two pairs of boots and stomping on her briefcase, she barely made it from the daybed to the bathroom before the jalapeños put in their second appearance.

The tiny black-and-white floor tiles blurred to a fuzz as she pressed her forehead to them. For once she was grateful the radiator wasn’t working. Again.

Ohmygosh, she hated to throw up. Hated. It.

She doused her face with cold water—because it would take at least five minutes for any hot water to come through the faucet—and muttered a few threats against Matt. He was the one who ordered the jalapeños on the nachos, knowing full well his parents would be watching every choke and spew.

The boy was cute, but shameless.

She managed to avoid an encore now by skipping the coffee—in fact, the entire kitchenette—and taking enough deep breaths to hyperventilate a hippo as she leaned on the sink, shook back the dark tendrils of hair that stuck to her face, and squinted at her reflection. A little makeup would cover that asparagus-green tinge, right?

Okay, a lot of makeup.

You should stay home, the sunken brown eyes told her.

And miss work with the promotion being decided? Uh, no. Thad Nussbaum wouldn’t risk a sick day right now if he had the plague. Sarah wasn’t sure she didn’t, actually.

Another dive for the toilet. She definitely hated to throw up.

Avocado-skinned or not, she needed to get a move on. After that round she chugged a half bottle of Pepto-Bismol and stepped over a stack of how-to-succeed books on loan from Megan to get to the desk crammed between the daybed and the bathroom door. Fortunately she only had to paw through one layer of unpaid bills to find Megan’s list.

1. Dress professionally. You’re not in grad school any more. Go monochromatic if you can, but with a splash of color. Advertising IS a creative field—at least that’s what they tell me. And do NOT wear that ratty scarf.

Sarah groaned, not a difficult sound to manage at that point. She hoped the money she’d spent on wardrobe improvements at T.J. Maxx, under Megan’s step-away-from-the-jeans-skirt tutelage, would be worth it if—when—she got the promotion. Between that and the new briefcase, no wonder AT&T was threatening to turn off her phone.

The other bills were tucked into their compartments in the organizer, although they still glared at her no matter how tightly she closed their little plastic drawers. As for her personal bills . . . she looked for something to cover them up so they, too, wouldn’t give her the stink eye when she got home from work.

The only thing she could come up with to conceal them without doing a complete renovation of the entire studio apartment was the framed picture her mom gave her on Thanksgiving, which she hadn’t hung up yet because . . . she just hadn’t.

In spite of the queasies, Sarah had to grin at the photo. Megan would have a complete meltdown over Sarah at twelve: hair straightened in an attempt to look like a dark-haired Christina Aguilera and a too-big royal-blue choir robe with a large and admittedly tacky cross for a zipper pull. The identical robe looked so much better on her father. But then, anything he wore was handsome because he was in it. The photographer had caught Sarah looking up at her father, eyes whispering I’m gonna make you proud, Daddy . . .

A lump in the throat paired with nausea: not a good choice.

Sarah pressed the photo facedown on the stack and headed for the closet to attempt monochromatic with a splash of color.

Ten minutes later she was as close as she was going to get. The shopping spree notwithstanding, it wasn’t like there was a whole lot to choose from in there. Black pencil skirt with boots, tailored white blouse, charcoal fitted sweater trimmed in apricot, subtle jewelry. Then the wool camel coat—a cast-off of Megan’s—and the paid-too-much-for-it-even-on-sale leather briefcase.

She paused, the multi-brown scarf between her hands. With so many pulled strands it was starting to resemble a very sad boa, but it still smelled like Dad—all British Sterling and strong coffee and some musky undefinable thing that was just him. One whiff at the right moment and she could almost hear him saying, You’ve got this, SJ.

Yeah, she was wearing the scarf. Sorry, Megan.

Okay—a final look in the full-length mirror and she was out of there.

Almost out of there. Hand on the knob, she saw something had been slipped under the door. Looked like a Christmas card without an envelope. Before she even picked it up, Sarah knew it was from Catfish.

Merry Christmas, Ms. Collins he’d written under a drawing of what was probably supposed to be the Grinch. But Santa won’t be visiting you if you don’t pay the rent. Sincerely, Your Building Manager.

Sarah tossed the thing toward the desk, but not before she smelled him on it: that whole hipster, unbathed, let’s-see-how-long-I-can-wear-these-jeans-before-the-rips-get-too-big-to-be-legal aroma. If she met him face-to-face this morning she would probably puke on his shoes.

The chances were good he’d made the delivery in the wee hours and was still asleep. Catfish was a wannabe musician who stayed up half the night pretending he was making a living playing the sitar and then slept half the day. Sarah could probably make it to the car without running into him.

The studios all opened onto open walkways, not the best scenario for brutal subzero Chicago winters. But the Sandburg Arms had once been a Motel Four and the renovators obviously hadn’t wanted to spend the money on closing it in. Or on much of anything else for that matter.

Like a super who would at least throw some cat litter on the cement steps when the ice set in.

Sarah picked her way down them and then checked to be sure the proverbial coast was clear of all things Catfish before she hopped between the icy patches to the parking lot. As she passed his first-floor apartment, holding her breath so she wouldn’t take in any fumes wafting under the door, she made him a silent promise that once she got this promotion, she’d pay the back rent and bid him a cheery good-bye as she moved out.

After she paid off the ones in the plastic compartments.

No wonder she was queasy, Sarah decided as she stitched her faded red Toyota through the early morning traffic. Rush hour was a complete misnomer. Cars crawled off the Ike onto West Congress and huffed around the Loop with maddening slowness. Exhaust coughed from every vehicle as hot vapors met frigid air and created a mist so heavy you could cut it into cubes.

She’d lived here all her life, except for the six years she spent in New York at college, and she’d spent more hours sitting on the Eisenhower Expressway than she had on her own couch. When had this smell become so nauseating?

The train probably wouldn’t be much better when it came to fumes, but it was definitely faster. Too bad she needed a car during the day to deliver projects outside the city proper. And too bad Carson Creative didn’t give her a company car for that. Although right now, any vehicle would call up the heaves. Ugh.

A distraction—that’s what she needed. Sarah pushed the motivational CD Megan had given her into the ancient player and waited for the way-too-enthusiastic-for-8:00-a.m. voice to tell her that success was 90 percent attitude.

Or as Megan put it under number 2 on the list:

From the time you arrive at Carson Creative Services in the morning until you pull out of the parking garage at night, you have to keep your game face on. You can’t let down. You never know when a potential client will walk in, so you have to wear a constant expression that says, I can sell anything for you.

Sarah glanced in the rearview mirror. She could only hope any client she saw today wanted an ad campaign for acid reflux medication.

She turned off Mr. Positive Attitude. She needed to focus on the road anyway. Snow was now plastering the windshield with wet, heavy clumps the size of bear paws, and her wipers weren’t in optimal shape.

Neither, apparently, was her engine. Just as she inched the Toyota into the State/Jackson intersection, it died. At least five horns blared and more than one window opened so a driver could spew out angry, frosty breaths and a multicolored string of expletives.

It was Chicago, after all.

Sarah turned the key with a vengeance and stomped repeatedly on the gas pedal, just the way Matt had told her not to do. What he had told her to do currently eluded her.

Come on, Buzz, she said, although that definitely hadn’t been included in Matt’s instructions. Don’t do this to me. Not today.

She could feel the trail of traffic behind her virtually seething as she continued pumping and pleading. The engine struggled to turn over, while the cars with the green light on either side of her struggled to avoid sliding into her like bumper cars. Any minute this was going to turn into a scene from The Blues Brothers.

Most were successful in screeching to an icy halt. One had to veer around her while its driver hollered—as only a native of Chicago could—Get that $%##@!!! hunk of junk off the road, lady!

I’m working on it, Sarah muttered. Her teeth were clenched so hard she could feel the enamel eroding.

One more foot jam and Buzz wheezed himself back to life. Together they limped the remaining few blocks to Michigan Avenue and managed to climb to her space in the parking garage, where she pulled in beside Megan’s white BMW SUV. Before Sarah had really gotten to know Megan—what was it, five months ago now?—she’d always had her for a sports model: something black and fast-looking even when it was standing still. Ten minutes into their friendship and Sarah knew a Boxster wouldn’t fit the image Megan was going for. Megan slid from the front seat of that SUV now with more grace than Sarah could manage on her best day, especially while simultaneously holding two Starbucks cups.

She eyed the Toyota as it shuddered itself into a coma. Don’t worry, she said. You’ll be buying a brand-new one soon.

Sarah closed the car door with a gentle hand and waited. Nothing fell off. There was at least that.

Don’t jinx it, she said.

Megan handed her a cup. Are you talking about the car or the promotion?

Both. Sarah pretended to take a sip, but the very steam of the latte beckoned to what was left of the nachos. Matt was so dead. She stuck him back in his little plastic compartment and tried to focus.

I can’t vouch for your vehicle. Megan gave Buzz the look she usually reserved for the backs of high-maintenance clients she’d charmed out the door. But the promotion is practically a done deal.

Sarah should have such confidence. Actually, anyone should. Megan oozed the stuff. Her hair was always sleek enough and blonde enough, as if roots were terrified to even show up. Her makeup was magazine flawless, down to the eyeliner that lifted in perfect tilts at the corners of her blue eyes. Eyes that said, I have this handled so why are we even talking?

But it was Megan’s mouth Sarah could never hope to emulate. Full. Strong. Slightly ironic. If you could make it smile, you might as well call the day as good as it was going to get. Sarah usually could, which she figured was the reason Megan had taken her on.

But Megan was miles from a smile now as she assessed Sarah.

What? Sarah said.

You look terrible.

I’m just a little nauseous.

Nerves?

Jalapeños. And Matt’s parents.

Megan’s eyebrows lifted in velvety arches.

I like them, but they don’t like me.

The jalapeños or the parents?

Both. Megan continued to survey Sarah until a male figure dashed past them, calling, You shouldn’t be carrying that stuff, Audrey! Let me give you a hand!

Sarah tried not to roll her eyes. That was on the list too. Something about avoiding obvious reactions to the juveniles you have to work with. But she couldn’t help muttering to Megan: Look at him. He just . . . schmoozes.

"Thad Nussbaum’s picture is next to the word schlemiel in the dictionary."

Sarah made a mental note to look it up and watched the wiry, almost-panting Thad help a very pregnant Audrey Goetze wriggle out from behind the wheel of her Suburban. He piled her briefcase, her lunch tote, and a bag of what appeared to be knitting onto his person like a Sherpa, leaving Audrey empty-handed to waddle her way to the lobby door.

She was so pregnant.

He’s wasting his time anyway. Megan nodded Sarah toward the same door. "We’re talking ‘Arrivederci, Audrey.’ "

What makes you say that?

I know she’s not coming back after she has that kid. Seriously, you haven’t seen the way she glows when you bring up the whole baby thing? She turns into Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Sarah let out a guffaw. Not a wise choice, what with the nausea threatening again. She took in a long breath as Megan pushed open the glass doors and let her through.

Even if Audrey does come back, she won’t be working the ConEx account. Too much travel. Megan shook her head as they watched Thad lug Audrey’s belongings up the stairs to the second floor, grinning and assuring Audrey that she still looked great.

She didn’t look great. She looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Audrey had never been the glamorous account executive, not like Jennifer Nolte or, come to think of it, Megan, who was a peg below in the echelon. Audrey wore business suits from Macy’s and was always the consummate professional at meetings, but she was Eleanor Roosevelt to Jennifer’s Jackie Kennedy. Now when her maternity sweaters strained across her belly like plastic wrap, it was hard for her to even pull that much off.

Megan nudged Sarah with her elbow. You’re right. Thad does schmooze.

He’s like a little puppy dog. Sarah followed Megan up the steps. He does everything but lick her face and say, ‘Like me! Like me!’

Megan waited for Sarah to fall into step beside her in the hall and lowered her voice as if she were about to impart the details of the Area 51 conspiracy.

Thad’s not smart enough to know that’s not going to get him anywhere.

What should he be doing? Chasing after Henry and Nick and—

"No. He should be chasing after me."

He did chase after you and you practically freeze-dried him with your eyes.

Megan stopped and narrowed those eyes at Sarah. I mean he should be getting the same kind of advice I’ve been giving you.

Sarah felt her brow pucker. Don’t give him any ideas.

Megan produced one of her almost-smiles as they entered the maze of cubicles bordered by glass-walled offices. Not to worry. You’re my only protégée.

And how am I doing?

Fabulous. But no more jalapeños. Megan lifted only one of the velvet eyebrows. And how many times have I told you to lose that scarf?

Megan eased into her fishbowl of a space with its on-trend black leather and metal décor. Sarah leaned against the sign on the door that read: Megan Hollister, Assistant Director of International Accounts and tried to suppress a sigh that would broadcast envy up and down the hall.

In a couple of months, you’ll have an office like this, Megan said.

What do you do, read my face?

I just remember what it was like working in a prairie-dog cell. And I didn’t have as much going for me then as you do now.

Sarah resisted the urge to snort. I can’t imagine that. What is it that I have—

You know exactly what you want. The blue eyes dug in. And you won’t give up until you get it.

That brooked no argument. Except Sarah didn’t just want it. She needed it. But since Never, ever look desperate was somewhere around number 6 on the list, Sarah just gave Megan a firm nod and headed straight-shouldered down the hall. Behind her Megan called: But get rid of that scarf.

Chapter Two

Sarah was actually hanging up the scarf in her several-pegs-below-executive cubicle when she saw the Post-it note on her computer screen.

SEE CARSON IN WATERMARK CONF ASAP

Carson.

Henry Carson. Of Carson Creative Services.

This. Was. It.

Or close enough. Sarah smoothed her hands over the sweater. She’d already been through more interviews for this promotion than it took to be approved for the Supreme Court bench, and that didn’t even include the surveillance. By Nick Kellog, V.P. of Campaign Development, all but looking over her shoulder while she wrote the copy for the ConEx account proposal and going over it like it was the Louisiana Purchase. And by Jennifer Nolte, Director of Domestic Accounts, observing Sarah’s every move in production meetings, in the break room . . . as she came out of the stall in the bathroom, for Pete’s sake.

But this was the first time Sarah would come face-to-face with Henry Carson himself. Megan had been grooming her for this for months. She was ready. She had to be.

So go down the Megan List. Dress professionally. Check. Keep your game face on. Check. Show no fear.

Good luck with that one.

Sarah felt her shoulders start to sag, but she soldiered them back into place. Go with your strengths was somewhere on the list, and Megan had nailed what at least one of them was: she knew exactly what she wanted. And this was it. It had to be.

The only remaining question was, should she throw up now, or after the meeting?

Sarah seldom had a reason to go into the Watermark Conference Room, named for the large account that had basically launched Carson Creative in the early 1990s. Its gleaming African mahogany was usually reserved for people in a higher tax bracket. That definitely applied to the three people who greeted her when she walked in. Nick sported a cashmere jacket and practically had Bulls season tickets sticking out of his pocket. Jennifer, of course, dressed several-zeroes-on-a-paycheck better than Megan, which was saying something, and easily paid more for her precise bob haircuts and chestnut dye jobs than Sarah made per pay period. As for the manicure—

Please sit down, Sarah, Henry Carson said.

Sarah realized she was standing there like the new girl in middle school, hands sweating onto the back of a leather chair, boot heels leaving divots in the three-inch carpet.

Please, Carson said again.

His voice was warm, warmer than Sarah expected, and he was far less tidy-looking than the other two. Maybe when you were the owner and CEO you didn’t have to be polished like the heirloom silver. His short gray hair was boyishly mussed, and his glasses hung precariously at the end of his nose, and he wasn’t wearing a jacket at all, cashmere or otherwise. Although the striped shirt was clearly Brooks Brothers or better, the sleeves were rolled to his forearms as if he were ready to talk football over a beer. Or maybe that was just to show off the conspicuously understated Rolex watch.

My colleagues speak very highly of you, he said as Sarah tucked herself into the chair she’d lathered up. I just wanted an opportunity to meet you in person before we make our final decision.

It did sound like they were about to discuss the Bears’ quarterback. Looked like it too. Mr. Carson’s small brown eyes, set happily amid a spray of well-earned facial lines, all but coaxed, Come on. I want you to do well.

Sarah unclenched her hands in her lap. If I’m given this opportunity, I can assure you, sir, that you will not be disappointed.

Henry Carson leaned back in his more massive version of the leather chair, removed his glasses, and smiled at her. It was almost fatherly.

Please. You’re practically middle management, Sarah. You don’t have to call me sir.

Thank you—

Mr. Carson will do just fine.

Sarah caught the edge of Nick’s snicker before she realized it was supposed to be a joke. She smiled and nodded even though, seriously, it wasn’t that funny.

Sarah, Jennifer said. We just have one more question for you.

Sarah nodded yet again. Megan had drilled her enough times. She was ready for anything short of the Spanish Inquisition.

Are you sure you’ll be comfortable with all the travel back and forth to Baltimore?

That was it? Sarah almost giggled.

Absolutely. I’m actually looking forward to it.

Jennifer sniffed. You’d think we didn’t have Skype and e-mail.

Before Sarah could decide just exactly what Jennifer expected her to say, Henry Carson once again smiled paternally at Sarah.

"We really called you in here to see if you have any questions."

She did. And she’d told Megan she was afraid to ask them. And Megan had told her she was crazy not to and if she didn’t, she could forget getting any more coaching from her.

Sarah forced herself to look steadily at Father Carson. Yes. I was wondering if . . . um. Not good. Avoid voice padding was somewhere on the list. I mean, I’d like to know what kind of raise I can expect with this position.

Nick leaned sideways toward Mr. Carson. "You had to open that door, huh? He turned to Sarah, eyes sardonic. When I got my first real promotion up at Y&R, I asked the boss for a raise too. You know what he said? ‘Nick, I’d love to pay you what you’re worth. But we have a minimum wage law in this state.’ " Nick cocked his head. Not a strand of gelled hair moved.

And she was supposed to do what with that? Henry Carson saved her with a chuckle. Only men his age and in his position could pull off chuckling without sounding like they were the entertainment at a children’s birthday party.

We’ll bring you up to fifty-five, Sarah.

She knew the game face was slipping but she couldn’t help it. Megan had assured her it would be more. She needed it to be more.

Jennifer shuffled through some papers in a folder in front of her. Nick smothered a smirk with his hand. Henry Carson just leveled his Father of the Year gaze over his glasses and waited.

Sarah readjusted her face. That’s very generous, sir . . . Mr. Carson. I just thought it would be a little closer to sixty.

"Fifty-five is pretty