Nobody Knows Evolution!: Bulldogs, Rottweilers and the Intelligent Designers: Goldman's Bulldog Presents, #2
By Nobody
()
About this ebook
"Nobody Knows Evolution!: Bulldogs, Rottweilers and the Intelligent Designers" unifies science, religion and mysticism in a way that is sure to irritate everybody!
"Nobody! drags Darwin's theory kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. It's a hole-in-one!" Nobody teeing off at the Darwin Golf Club
"Evolution for idiots!" Nobody on the Board of Education
"You mean idiots for evolution!" Nobody in "The Idiot in Rural Society"
"Of course it's science. You can't make this stuff up." Nobody at the American Association for the Advancement of Science
"You can't?" Nobody at Fox News
"Nobody! unifies science, religion and mysticism by insulting God…and praising bad breath? Give me a break!" Nobody at Listerine Antiseptic Mouthwash
"Who'd have thought we'd ever have a common enemy? Nobody!" Nobody at the Creationists vs. Scientists Annual Hardball Game
"Science humor is the sword!" Nobody at Bic Pens
"Nobody! thinks like a microbe--and that's supposed to be a good thing?" Nobody at The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
"If idiots can form an intelligent network, then why do intelligent people seem to form idiot networks?" Nobody in the US Congress
"The problem is with democracy itself--the vote turns intelligent politicians into idiot on-off switches that can't change their connection weights." Nobody at Unemployed Students for a Democratic Society
"You're only as smart as you have to be; intelligence isn't free!" Nobody at the Dollar Intelligence Store
"'Altruism is a natural by-product of selfish networked individuals?' Just thinking about it gives me a headache!" Nobody at Bayer Fast-Dissolving Aspirin
"If we build it, they will go! Microbes in space! Seed the universe!" Nobody at NASA
"Let the Bac be with you! Hiccup! God is Bac!" Nobody at The Cristal Cathedral
"We don't believe that merging science with literary satire is what C. P. Snow had in mind." Nobody reading The Two Cultures
Nobody
Nobody! is the pen name of the author and central character of the books: Nobody Knows (The Thing That Really Matters About) Anything!: A Users' Guide for the 21st Century Written by: Nobody! Nobody Knows Evolution!: Bulldogs, Rottweilers and the Intelligent Designers Written by: Nobody! Nobody Knows Consciousness!: Demystifying Life's Greatest Mystery Written by: Nobody! "Who would've thought to reinvent non-fiction and make it funny in the process?" Nobody! "'Back to the Future' of Literary Non-Fiction." Nobody at DeLorean Motor Cars "It's as if the 'Extracts' ate 'Moby Dick!'" Nobody at Real Vanilla Extracts "Out Nabakovs Nabakov. 'Pale Fire' for 'Idiots!'" Nobody at the Red Onion State Prison "Super-Prison Literary Society" "'In Cold Blood'--without all the blood!" Nobody eating "Breakfast at Tiffany's" "Nobody! has arrived just in time to save the publishing industry singlehandedly!" Nobody at "Publisher's Weakly" Magazine "Nobody! writes for the cheap seats!" Nobody at Cheapseats.com "Nobody! takes 'abstract' writing to a whole new level. Plus, he had the good sense to number things!" Nobody selling Jackson Pollock's Numbered Paintings ("They make people look at a picture for what it is--pure painting!") "Nobody!'s genius was to realize that science was comedy!" Nobody at the University of Clown Science ("The Science of Clowns! The Clowns of Science!") "Nobody! makes Anonymous irrelevant!" Nobody at Warner Books "Irreverent--NO!--Irrelevant common sense. Nobody! Knows!" Nobody at "Rolling Stones" Magazine "We think Nobody! should make a movie!" Nobody at the American Institute of Corn Porn ("Pornography made entirely from corn--for when the ethanol subsidies end! Think creamed corn--and COBS!") To maintain his anonymity, Nobody! likes to pretend that he's Steve Martin ("to throw the paparazzi off the scent"). To be clear, Nobody! is NOT Steve Martin.
Related to Nobody Knows Evolution!
Titles in the series (4)
Nobody Knows Evolution!: Bulldogs, Rottweilers and the Intelligent Designers: Goldman's Bulldog Presents, #2 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNobody Knows (The Thing That Really Matters About) Anything! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Nobody Knows Consciousness!: Demystifying Life's Greatest Mystery Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNobody Knows the Big Bang!: How Many Universes Can Dance on the Head of a Pin? Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related ebooks
Deception by Design: The Intelligent Design Movement in America Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBut Old Mr. Darwin Wasn't to Blame: The Little Book of Evolutionary "Quotes" Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNature's Witness: How Evolution Can Inspire Faith Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5How Darwinism Breaks Down in the Light of Modern Science Darwinism Refuted Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsClimate Coup: Global Warming's Invasion of Our Government and Our Lives Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRescued from the Mud: A High School Story Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIntroducing Science and Religion: A path through polemic Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAfter the Beginning: Creation Revealed in Science and Scripture Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDenying Science: Reflections on Those Who Refuse to Accept the Results of Scientific Studies Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCritical Thinking and Defending the Biblical Worldview Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Treatise on Atonement Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsOn God's Existence: Traditional and New Arguments Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFaith-Based Schools in Latin America Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGod and the World: A Survey of Thought Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIs Evolution Compatible with Christianity? Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAgnosticism: The Battle Against Shameless Ignorance Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsApe or Adam?: Making sense of evolution, creationism and intelligent design Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Full Spectrum Dominance: Irregular Warfare and the War on Terror Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsScience and the God Elusion: A Reflection On the Conundrums of Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGod's Fantastic Creation Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Islam: From Purism to Extremism of Spiritually Misled some Muslims Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsClimate Change and Bible Prophecy Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIntelligent Designer: Evolution for Politicians Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Evolution of the Idea of God Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSpeculations on Thomism and Evolution Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDysteleology: A Philosophical Assessment of Suboptimal Design in Biology Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Climate Misinformation Crisis Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Errors of the NAS: A Reply to the National Academy of Sciences Booklet, Science and Creationism Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Modern Utopia Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPunch-Drunk on Co2...Dizzy from Spin: Catastrophic Man-Made Global Warming Sustainable Hypothesis or Unsustainable Hoax? Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Biology For You
Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Peptide Protocols: Volume One Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Anatomy 101: From Muscles and Bones to Organs and Systems, Your Guide to How the Human Body Works Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Fantastic Fungi: How Mushrooms Can Heal, Shift Consciousness, and Save the Planet Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Dopamine Detox: Biohacking Your Way To Better Focus, Greater Happiness, and Peak Performance Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Obesity Code: the bestselling guide to unlocking the secrets of weight loss Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Confident Mind: A Battle-Tested Guide to Unshakable Performance Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLifespan: Why We Age—and Why We Don't Have To Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Winner Effect: The Neuroscience of Success and Failure Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Ultralearning: Master Hard Skills, Outsmart the Competition, and Accelerate Your Career Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This Will Make You Smarter: 150 New Scientific Concepts to Improve Your Thinking Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5"Cause Unknown": The Epidemic of Sudden Deaths in 2021 & 2022 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A Crack In Creation: Gene Editing and the Unthinkable Power to Control Evolution Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mother of God: An Extraordinary Journey into the Uncharted Tributaries of the Western Amazon Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Book of Fungi: A Life-Size Guide to Six Hundred Species from around the World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Sixth Extinction: An Unnatural History Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Code Breaker: Jennifer Doudna, Gene Editing, and the Future of the Human Race Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5All That Remains: A Renowned Forensic Scientist on Death, Mortality, and Solving Crimes Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Gut: The Inside Story of Our Body's Most Underrated Organ (Revised Edition) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Seven Sins of Memory: How the Mind Forgets and Remembers Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Honeybee Democracy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Coming Plague: Newly Emerging Diseases in a World Out of Balance Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Written in Bone: Hidden Stories in What We Leave Behind Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Vax-Unvax: Let the Science Speak Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Woman: An Intimate Geography Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Nobody Knows Evolution!
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Nobody Knows Evolution! - Nobody
GOLDMAN’S BULLDOG PRESENTS
NOBODY KNOWS
EVOLUTION!
tmp_aa2d56b5b9be4c43b1a6f4ca52939ee3_7UC9CY_html_750a27eb.jpgBULLDOGS, ROTTWEILERS
AND THE INTELLIGENT DESIGNERS
Written by:
NOBODY!
________________________
ADVANCE PRAISE FOR NOBODY KNOWS EVOLUTION!
Let’s have Nobodies review the book before we publish it. That’ll give us a jump on the critics!
Nobody!
Nobody! drags Darwin’s theory kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. It's a hole-in-one!
Nobody teeing off at the Darwin Golf Club
Nobody! cuts through the Gordian knot of Darwinian Evolution and Intelligent Design!
Nobody at Gordian Solutions
Evolution for idiots!
Nobody on the Board of Education
You mean idiots for evolution!
Nobody in The Idiot in Rural Society
Of course it’s science. You can’t make this stuff up.
Nobody at the American Association for the Advancement of Science
You can’t?
Nobody at Fox News
Intelligent microbes guide evolution? A colony of networked idiots can build a town? God is bacteria? Need we say more?
Nobody at the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science
Nobody! unifies science, religion and mysticism by insulting God…and praising bad breath? Give me a break!
Nobody at Listerine Antiseptic Mouthwash
Who’d have thought we’d ever have a common enemy? Nobody!
Nobody at the Creationists vs. Scientists Annual Hardball Game
Nobody! puts the hag back in science hagiography!
Nobody in Eastwick
"Science humor is the sword!" Nobody at Bic Pens
Nobody! thinks like a microbe--and that’s supposed to be a good thing?
Nobody at The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
If idiots can form an intelligent network, then why do intelligent people seem to form idiot networks?
Nobody in the US Congress
The problem is with democracy itself--the vote turns intelligent politicians into idiot on-off switches that can’t change their connection weights.
Nobody at Unemployed Students for a Democratic Society
You’re only as smart as you have to be; intelligence isn’t free!
Nobody at the Dollar Intelligence Store
"‘Altruism is a natural by-product of selfish networked individuals?’ Just thinking about it gives me a headache!" Nobody at Bayer Fast-Dissolving Aspirin
"Fiction Science follows the same rules as wave-particle duality. When you view it as fiction, it’s fiction; and when you view it as science, it’s science; but you can’t view it as fiction and science at the same time." Nobody on the Copenhagen Interpretation of Fiction Science
Unless you’ve been drinking!
Nobody at Wild Turkey Bourbon
And the Good Humor part provides the crucial element of dynamic instability!
Nobody at Good Humor Ice Cream
"It’s not just Schrodinger’s cat. The Toxo rat can be dead and alive at the same time too." Nobody at the Emma E. Booker Elementary School
The great Fiction Science writers? Darwin, Velikovsky, von Daniken, Alvarez, Dawkins... Hawking, Penrose, Dyson, Davies, Smolin…
Nobody at the Annual Fiction Science Awards
The Tootsie Galaxy Pop--we can print globes on them instead of solid colors. Send Nobody! a hundred cases.
Nobody at Tootsie Roll Industries
We think you could make a nice Microbe Mind logo out of a pair of Golden Arches. Remember, for them it’s all about food.
Nobody at McDonald’s
And you could update the ‘CELLS’ spaceship for the twenty-first century by shaping it like a Coke bottle with feet instead of a fish.
Nobody at 21st Century Coke
"‘Mutation is the garlic salt of life!’" Nobody at Spice Daddy
Once again Nobody! has invented a whole new genre--Hardboiled Microbe Fiction. Look out Mickey Spillane!
Nobody at the Red Onion State Prison Super-Prison Literary Society
"And a video game that explains recidivism--Prison Germs: And how they keep pulling us back in!" Nobody at Godfather Video Games
"So what he’s saying is, ‘Let’s get small. Let’s get really small. Once you get small enough you will understand…everything.’ Small wins!" Nobody at the Annual Steve Martin-Randy Newman Small vs. Short People Competition
When Steve Martin was perfecting his comedy, Nobody! was running a bluegrass club. Now that Steve Martin is playing bluegrass, Nobody! is perfecting his comedy!
Nobody at The Banjo Cafe
"In your wet dreams! ‘God is bacteria’ is an old Steve Martin routine from the seventies. Apparently, they weren’t ready to come out yet. Steve had to drop it from his act because he got terrible migraines whenever he used it." Nobody at The Comedy Store
"If God is bacteria, does that mean that we’re already teaching religion in our schools?" Nobody on the Supreme Court
"Schweitzer got it right. ‘Reverence for all life!’" Nobody counting holes in the Albert Hall
Science has finally found its moral compass--albeit a tiny one!
Nobody at the Pocket Compass Company
If we build it, they will go! Microbes in space! Seed the universe!
Nobody at NASA
"Let the Bac be with you! Hiccup! God is Bac!" Nobody at The Cristal Cathedral
We don’t believe that merging science with literary satire is what C. P. Snow had in mind.
Nobody reading The Two Cultures
We’re not sure that giving God a firm scientific basis is doing God any favors.
Nobody at Save God from G-Theory
We don’t think that literature needs an abstracts writer.
Nobody at Save Literature from Nobody!
It Might Be Nobody!
Nobody at the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony
It Might Not!
Nobody at the Skeptics Society Annual Let’s Eat Nobody! for Breakfast
Dinner
You call this crap art?
Nobody at Cow-Pie Clocks
Of course we can sue!
Nobody at the American Bar Napkin Association
________________________
GOLDMAN’S BULLDOG PRESENTS
NOBODY KNOWS
EVOLUTION!
tmp_aa2d56b5b9be4c43b1a6f4ca52939ee3_7UC9CY_html_m55119e1d.jpgBULLDOGS, ROTTWEILERS
AND THE INTELLIGENT DESIGNERS
Written by:
NOBODY!
Published by Smashwords, Inc.
www.goldmansbulldog.com
Copyright 2012 by Author
________________________
SMASHWORDS EDITION, LICENSE NOTES
Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form.
________________________
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1: The Bar Napkin Theory
PART ONE
BAR NAPKIN ORIGAMI
Chapter 2: The Hummingbird
Chapter 3: The Griffin
PART TWO
KISS
Chapter 4: Cats Eat Zombie Rats
Chapter 5: Our Brain and the World Cray
Chapter 6: The Feynman Principle
Chapter 7: Turtles All the Way Down!
Chapter 8: They Might Be Giants!
Chapter 9: Not Even Wrong!
Chapter 10: Evolution’s Big Prediction
Chapter 11: Evolution is History
Chapter 12: The Central Dogma
Chapter 13: What Geneticists Think
Chapter 14: She, the Master Builder
Chapter 15: The Weasel Gene
Chapter 16: How Bacteria Evolve
Chapter 17: The Food Obsession
Chapter 18: The Pay Attention, Fool!
Tool
Chapter 19: The Beast That Wants to Know
Chapter 20: The Anthill Brain
Chapter 21: Infinite Bandwidth
Chapter 22: Talking Microbes
PART THREE
AND TELL
Chapter 23: The Neuron Rosetta Stone
Chapter 24: Desperate Housewives
Chapter 25: The House Neuron, the Senate Neuron, and the Intelligent Designers
Chapter 26: The Doomsday Machine and the Houdini Electron
Chapter 27: A Brief History of Time
Chapter 28: Let There Be Light!
Chapter 29: The World Map
Chapter 30: Prophets and Loss
Chapter 31: The Vagina as a Whole
Chapter 32: The Tenth Muse
Chapter 33: The World We All See
Chapter 34: G-Theory and the God Germ
PART FOUR
BITTEN BY THE LOVE BUG
Chapter 35: The Dice Man
Chapter 36: Body Heat
Chapter 37: The Force that through the Green Fuse Drives the Flower
Chapter 38: Message in a Bottle
Chapter 39: What Do You Do with a Drunken Microbe?
Author’s Photo
Soon to be a Major Motion Picture!
________________________
To Whom It May Concern
________________________
The Moses of Microbes rides again!
Sauncho Pauncho
Human kind cannot bear very much reality.
T. S. Eliot
Four Quartets
A thoroughly new idea gets no response.
Jacques Bardun
From Dawn to Decadence
________________________
CHAPTER ONE: THE BAR NAPKIN THEORY
I believe in the Bar Napkin Theory. It may be impossible to prove,