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    Cures Are For Pussies: A Comedian's Adventures With MS (And Other Incurable Diseases)
    Cures Are For Pussies: A Comedian's Adventures With MS (And Other Incurable Diseases)
    Cures Are For Pussies: A Comedian's Adventures With MS (And Other Incurable Diseases)
    Ebook132 pages2 hours

    Cures Are For Pussies: A Comedian's Adventures With MS (And Other Incurable Diseases)

    By Corrie Burge

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    About this ebook

    Usually, change occurs gradually, but there are times when our entire world is altered in the time it takes to say, ‘unpredictability’. The first day I heard the words Multiple Sclerosis associated with myself, I was afraid, shocked and confused. I was in perfect health and in shape, seemingly immune from disease. For a long time, I believed they must have gotten it wrong. After all, there was no way a bodybuilder could ever become ill!
    I began writing in a journal,so I would have a diary of symptoms to recall for my neurologist, but before long I was putting all of my deepest feelings on paper. Although I still have my bad days, with a plethora of symptoms that come and go according to their own schedule, I've learned to accept my situation. The ability to focus on the positive, even if it’s something ‘small’ is the key to living well with MS.
    People often ask me if it's hard to perform stand-up comedy when you have MS, but don't worry, I always set them straight. I tell them, "after 25 years with MS, it's amazing I can stand-up, at all."

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherCorrie Burge
    Release dateJan 30, 2014
    ISBN9780993701900
    Cures Are For Pussies: A Comedian's Adventures With MS (And Other Incurable Diseases)
    Author

    Corrie Burge

    I was seventeen the year I graduated from high school, moved out on my own, and found out I had Multiple Sclerosis. Two out of three isn't so bad! In my book, Cures are For Pussies, A Comedian's Adventures with MS (and Other Incurable Diseases), I talk about growing up with a chronic illness and learning how to live well and keep laughing, because of MS, not despite it. After 25 years with MS, I am doing stand-up comedy, which is great because I shouldn't be able to stand up AT ALL. My story of self-healing is recommended for anyone who needs proof of the power of the mind!

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      Book preview

      Cures Are For Pussies - Corrie Burge

      COPYRIGHT

      Cures Are For Pussies: A Comedian's Adventures With MS (And Other Incurable Diseases)

      Copyright 2014, 2015, 2017.

      Published by Corrie Burge

      Smashwords Edition License Notes

      This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, then please return it to Smashwords, and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      DISCLAIMER

      Every effort has been made to ensure that the information contained in this book is complete and accurate. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are not intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician. All matters regarding your health require medical supervision. Do not substitute my advice for that of your doctor. The author is not liable for any loss, injury, or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in this book.

      DEDICATION

      This book is dedicated to the Schulich School of Business class of 2000, especially: Dave, Kelly, Liz, Richard, Rob and Tim. Thanks also to my cousin, author Brad Steel, for coming up with the incredibly appropriate title!

      ABOUT THE AUTHOR

      Corrie Burge is a writer and stand-up Comedian, who grew up in Alberta, a province with the highest rate of MS, in a country with the highest rate of MS in the world. She achieved a Bachelor of Commerce from the University of Guelph, and by age twenty-eight, an MBA from York University’s Schulich School of Business. Currently, she is a reformed ‘Type A personality’, happiness is her only goal, and she succeeds by any means necessary!

      In addition, Corrie is the co-writer and editor of the fascinating true story, "The One Who Got Away: Escape From The Kill Room, by Gilles Tetreault.

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      COPYRIGHT

      DISCLAIMER

      DEDICATION

      ABOUT THE AUTHOR

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      BEFORE WE GET STARTED…

      ONE: CHILDHOOD

      TWO: TEEN YEARS

      THREE: FIRST SYMPTOM

      FOUR: THE UNDERTOW

      FIVE: EARLY ADULTHOOD

      SIX: NUMB

      SEVEN: DENIAL

      EIGHT: CITY LIFE

      NINE: VERTIGO

      TEN: DOWNWARD MOBILITY

      ELEVEN: TURNING POINT

      TWELVE: VOODOO

      THIRTEEN: UNPREDICTABLE

      FOURTEEN: EX MALO BONO

      FIFTEEN: INVISIBLE

      SIXTEEN: DISEASE(S)

      SEVENTEEN: DEPRESSION

      EIGHTEEN: RELATIONSHIPS

      NINETEEN: TO BREED OR NOT TO BREED

      TWENTY: WHOLE FOOD

      TWENTY-ONE: WHEELCHAIR

      TWENTY-TWO: CONTINUAL LEARNING

      TWENTY-THREE: WRITING AS HEALER

      TWENTY-FOUR: AVOIDING THE UNDERTOW

      APPENDIX: TIMELINE

      REFERENCES

      SOCIAL MEDIA

      BEFORE WE GET STARTED…

      Look, getting a chronic incurable disease sucks but until science catches up to science fiction, no one is going to be able to put our heads on new bodies, or our bodies on new heads, so we might as well try to make the best of it. Try not to be a pussy about it. It certainly isn’t going to help our situations if we scare ourselves into a frenzy thinking about the horrors our minds can conjure. When you really think about it, it’s really badass having an incurable disease. Where’s the risk and excitement in having a doctor cure you?

      I have at least three incurable diseases (my endometriosis appears to have been cured). Not being afraid anymore is more than just being a badass, it’s also smart symptom management. Sitting and worrying is more than an incredible waste of time, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. The mind-body connection cares deeply what you think might happen some day.

      Look on the bright side - if meeting doctors is your thing, you’re on the right life path. I’ve met more doctors and nurses than I care to count, including a plethora of doctors who call themselves neurologists. What a neurologist does, I don’t really know. What I do know is what they are not – brain surgeons! These highly educated Neurologists don’t really have any idea why some people get MS, while others do not. To be fair, no one knows.

      I'm not a licenced doctor who’s able to run tests and write prescriptions, but then my remedy doesn’t require it. As one of my favorite Buddhist monks likes to say, Have a nice day, unless you’ve made other plans. As an atheist willing to take spiritual advice from absolutely anyone, I say, happiness is a fundamental life choice, and it must be achieved by any means necessary.

      In my case, the changes I made were of huge benefit. I had to cut certain people out of my life, which wasn’t easy but ended up being a huge blessing. I had to look for new activities to replace the ones I lost, and found new, stronger passions. It was critical for me to find hobbies to be passionate about, even when it turned out to be video games (a pursuit incredibly well suited to someone in need of periodic distraction while in the prone position).

      For what it’s worth, this is a perfect time to be alive with a chronic illness. Grocery delivery is almost everywhere, Amazon will ship anything quickly, and Netflix can entertain at very little cost. How many people have the ability to watch Breaking Bad from start to finish in one week? That is an experience that is almost worth getting sick and losing your job for!

      But seriously, getting my health back feels like more of an accomplishment than getting my MBA. Despite what you are about to read, I’m doing just fine now. Getting off opioids after being on them for eighteen years is my latest big achievement, and is the topic of my next book.

      Despite illness(es), there are so many accomplishments ahead, if you allow yourself to look for them. Mainly dear reader, please know that I’m healthy and happy and you can be too, regardless of the extent of your personal loss. I admonish you to find the good in your situation and start reaping the benefits as soon, and with as much passion, as possible. I’ve read Fight Club for the fourth time today. What have you done with your Monday afternoon?

      You don’t have to be happy about your perceived misfortune right now, that’s not what I’m asking. Think about accepting your misfortune, and then eventually you will witness the resulting happiness. Often, what first seems devastating becomes a catalyst for awe-inspiring change.

      Part of the path to healing is through laughter. I’m not saying I’m healing people with comedy, but I’m healing people with comedy! But seriously, I hope once you’ve finished reading this you will start to see the enormous benefits to be gained from learning how to accept your illness and yourself, so you can start living happily because of, not despite, the incurable.

      ONE: CHILDHOOD

      I often wonder what my life would have been like without all the destruction I’ve encountered. What would my life have been like if I hadn’t gotten MS, or kidney disease, or endometriosis, or hypothyroidism? Could I have learned all of the same lessons, or do we have to suffer to become better people? Furthermore, I often think about who I would have become, had I remained in a state of denial about my disease, and that’s the really terrifying scenario. I shudder to think of it.

      After intensely analysing my life, especially the hardships, I’ve found a way to become more like the person I was before the suffering intervened. Learning to grow from my life’s adversities has been the key to finding myself. In essence, to learn everything, I acted like I knew nothing and all was revealed.

      When I honestly observed my past, I found a trail of crumbs leading me back to who I actually am. It took guts to look back at all the devastation I’ve encountered but in the process I also found the joy. In the end it helped me to move forward chasing the dreams I truly care about.

      I discovered several events from my childhood that helped to shape my decision making. When I was four years old our kitchen window had a distant view of the Calgary Tower. I remember thinking that it looked so far away that it must be the other side of the world. How simple and imagination-filled my world was back then, but why does that disappear when we get older and things get harder? When I was four years old I wasn’t incredibly smart but adventure waited behind every corner, not fear and loathing. In 1976 it was almost a different century, things were so different. It’s amazing to me how the world has changed in this relatively short period of time.

      At five years old my family moved from Calgary to a little town called Lacombe, so that my father could work at a plant in Joffre, for an incestuous petrochemical company that would eventually hire me, and then later my brother. We looked like the perfect family, and for the most part we were. As far as I knew, all of my friends families sat together for every supper, just like us. At my house, we were happy to eat whatever we were given, for the most part. Feeding liver to unsuspecting children is tantamount to child abuse, in my opinion. We only had one telephone line, so if someone was on the phone you had to wait until they were finished (or listen in quietly from one of the other phones). There was one TV in our home and we were happy to watch, no matter what was on. We would all sit together in front of the TV, even if we weren’t interested in what was on, subjecting us to a lot of sports, including golf, football, hockey and baseball. Despite the rule that I had to be in bed early, I would sneak out and surreptitiously watch TV from the hallway. This allowed me to learn much about life from The Love Boat, MASH, and Taxi. No, a five year old probably shouldn’t have watched those shows, but it seems like an ancient way to grow up compared to what kids are exposed to now.

      There was no internet to placate us, so we had to make up our own games, imagination was our only limitation. Back then, if we were bored, we made up our own games. Let’s be honest, the video games sucked - Pong! Between the ages of five and eleven, I lived in a house with rooms within rooms, and hiding places galore. It was like living in a

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