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    How NOT to Play Golf: Game-losing Mistakes to Avoid
    How NOT to Play Golf: Game-losing Mistakes to Avoid
    How NOT to Play Golf: Game-losing Mistakes to Avoid
    Ebook131 pages1 hour

    How NOT to Play Golf: Game-losing Mistakes to Avoid

    By Gene Grossman

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    About this ebook

    If you're on the mailing list of some catalog companies (Heartland is one of them), you may notice that in some of their monthly mailings there is a golf gadget on almost every other page.

    You can get a new and improved driver that guarantee at least 30 to 50 additional yards every time you tee off; you can also get new and improved golf balls that are 'banned from tournaments' because they will eliminate 75% of your unintended slice; there's even a new and improved putter that will help guide your ball to the hole... and each one of these devices claims that by using it, your game will improve by at least 10 percent.

    This means that if you buy and use at least 10 of these sure-fire gadgets from their catalog you can be a scratch golfer.

    Okay, for purposes of conversation, let's say that all of their claims are true. You now are ready for the tournaments... but if you don't know the Rules, you'll still be a loser - and this book tells you why.

    If you haven't heard these horror stories before, you'll be educated and entertained when you see the stupid mistakes that the best of the professionals on the tour make.

    Bottom line:
    Forget about the gimmicky catalog items that promise to improve your game: if you follow the examples in this book and avoid many of the stupid mistakes that even the pros on the circuit make, your game will definitely improve.

    But if you want to continue with your consistent losing streak, then this book will show you the rule-breaking ways that famous professionals have perfected.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMagic Lamp Press
    Release dateApr 21, 2010
    ISBN9781452337067
    How NOT to Play Golf: Game-losing Mistakes to Avoid
    Author

    Gene Grossman

    GENE GROSSMAN was born in Chicago, Illinois and raised in the North side neighborhood of Albany Park, where he attended Hibbard Elementary and Von Steuben High School.He pursued majors in psychology, chemistry and mathematics at Wright Junior College, Roosevelt University and Illinois Institute of Technology - all the while working his way through high school and college by playing piano in clubs on Chicago's then-famous "Rush Street."After moving to Southern California, he worked his way through law school playing piano in night clubs and appeared as a musician in seven major motion pictures.While slowly building his law practice, Gene purchased a truckload of movie equipment he rented out to film production companies and then started his own production company which over the years produced more than 50 educational programs on subjects ranting from Boating and Celestial Navigation, to legal subjects (Depositions, Bankruptcy, etc.) Sign Language Instruction and many more.Always having been interested in boating, getting divorced prompted him to buy and move onto a 45-foot Chris Craft motor yacht in Marina del Rey California,.Years later, while serving as navigator on a yacht delivery from the U.S. to Tortola, Gene wrote his first book, "Celestial Navigation for Dummies" (before the popular series of 'Dummies' books was created). He used his own production equipment to shoot a video on the subject Celestial Navigation - "Sextant Use and the Sun Noon Shot" and unintentionally started the nautical video industry in this country.Over the next few years he followed that first title up with more than 50 other educational DVD titles, all displayed on his production company's website at www.MagicLampDVDs.com.Having moved on from doing scripts for his video productions, Gene turned to writing fiction, and now spends most of his time in the marina on his new boat, where he created the 15-book series of 'Peter Sharp Legal Mysteries,' all now available both in print and as eBooks at Smashwords via www.LegalMystery.comIn addition to the 15 Peter Sharp novels, Gene compiled a group of fiction and non-fiction titles that he has either written or edited for others, plus some classic stories: the publishing company he formed (www.MagicLampPress.com) now has more than 60 books in print.The Peter Sharp Legal Mystery Series#1: Single Jeopardy#2: ...By Reason of Sanity#3: A Class Action#4: Conspiracy of Innocence#5: ...Until Proven Innocent#6: The Common Law#7: The Magician's Legacy#8: The Reluctant Jurist#9: The Final Case#10: An Element of Peril#11: A Good Alibi#12: Legally Dead#13: How to Rob a Bank#14: Murder Under Way#15: The Sherlock Holmes CaperThe Suzi B. Mystery Series (a spin-off)#1: ...Sorry, Wrong Number#2: Movie Magic#3: Two Perfect Crimes#4: He's the Guy#5: The Magic BulletsAll 20 of Gene's mysteries are described in detail in a free eBook: The Mystery Books of Gene Grossman: Summaries with the Author's Comments.

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      Book preview

      How NOT to Play Golf - Gene Grossman

      How NOT to Play Golf

      Game-losing Mistakes to Avoid

      By Gene Grossman,

      Author of the popular

      Peter Sharp Legal Mysteries

      From

      www.LegalMystery.com

      Smashwords Edition 1.5 – March, 2012

      ©MMXII Gene Grossman

      All rights reserved

      *****

      Contents

      Introduction

      Chapter 1: Time is Money

      Chapter 2: John Hancock Rules

      Chapter 3: Correctness Counts

      Chapter 4: Behind the Eight Ball

      Chapter 5: Improper Use of Club

      Chapter 6: Honesty is the Best Policy

      Chapter 7: A Crisis of Conscience

      Chapter 8: Walking is Healthy

      Chapter 9: No Violation Required

      Chapter 19: It’s in the Bag

      Chapter 11: Making an Impression

      Chapter 12: Altered States

      Chapter 13: Soccer Rules

      Chapter 14: The Provisional Ball

      Chapter 15: An Ace in the Hole

      Chapter 16: the Sky’s the Limit

      Chapter 17: Complete Immunity…

      Appendix

      Golf Etiquette - & some Etiquette No-No’s

      Closing Comments

      Epilogue

      Other Books by the author

      About the Author

      Humorous Golf Quotes

      Index to the Rules of Golf

      More books on Golf

      Special Acknowledgement

      *****

      Introduction

      If you’re not familiar with the game, here’s how the Britannica Concise Encyclopedia defines it:

      "Game in which a player using special clubs attempts to sink a small ball with as few strokes as possible into each of the 9 or 18 successive holes on an outdoor course.

      "Each hole has associated with it a par, or score standard, usually from par 3 to par 5.

      "The origins of the game are difficult to ascertain, although evidence now suggests that early forms of golf were first played in the Netherlands and then further developed in Scotland, where the courses originally were fields of grass that sheep had clipped short in their characteristic grazing style.

      "The golf balls were originally made of wood, which was replaced in the 17th century by boiled feathers stuffed in a leather cover, in the 19th century by gutta-percha, and in the 20th century by hard rubber.

      Clubs, limited in number to 14 [after 1938], are known by the traditional names of irons (primarily for mid-range to short shots) and woods" (primarily for longer shots).

      Today irons are more likely made of stainless steel, and woods are actually made of metal such as steel or titanium,

      If you’re brave, you might consider telling your wife that the really expensive golf clubs are great investments – and if she believes that, she’s a ‘keeper.’

      Chapter 1

      Time is Money

      As most people know, golf raises a tremendous amount of money for charities, and one of its methods is the pre-tourn-ament pro-am play that gives generous amateurs an opportunity to play with the pros… but sometimes the pros might not be as enthused about these events as they should be, which give rise to news items like this one:

      RANCHO MIRAGE, Calif. – Three players, including a past champion, have been disqualified from the Kraft Nabisco Championship for missing their pro-am tee times.

      Shanshan Feng was the first to fall on the wrong side of the law when she was late to her noon tee time for the Tuesday pro-am. Feng eventually caught up with her group and played the remainder of the round, but the rule had already been broken and she was later disqualified.

      Maria Hjorth and 1993 Kraft champion Helen Alfredsson, alternates for this morning’s pro-am, were also sent home. Both were unavailable when called upon to fill in for today’s pro-am.

      Former Kraft champion Amy Alcott with-drew from the Wednesday pro-am (she had an 8:30 a.m. tee time), and the tournament proper, and was replaced by Seon Hwa Lee.

      Another former Kraft champ, Patty Sheehan, who is not in the Kraft field but was scheduled to play in the pro-am, didn’t show up for her tee time because of a communication problem. Sheehan, who later said she didn’t even know she was playing, was scheduled to tee off 10 minutes after Alcott – which is when the problems started.

      Hjorth and Alfredsson could not be found in time to replace Sheehan. Natalie Gulbis was next on the alternate list, but used her pro-am exemption (LPGA players are allowed to pass on one pro-am per year). Michele Redman eventually filled Sheehan’s pro-am spot.

      This isn’t the first time a player has been DQ’d from the Kraft for missing her pro-am time. Nicole Perrot was disqualified two years ago for the same offense.

      ***

      And speaking of time and money, Phil Mickelson and Stewart Cink are just a few who have gone to visit master coach Butch Harmon for lessons… and you can too, but it can be a little costly.

      All you have to do is hop on a plane and visit the Butch Harmon School of Golf in Las Vegas - and then arrange for a private lesson… he charges $1,000 an hour.

      Chapter 2

      John Hancock Rules

      USGA rule 6-6b:After completion of the round, the competitor should check his score for each hole and settle any doubtful points with the Committee. He must ensure that the marker or markers have signed the score card, sign the score card himself and return it to the Committee as soon as possible.

      LPGA rule 6-6:A player is deemed to have returned her score card to the Committee when she leaves the roped area of the scoring tent or leaves the

      ***

      Signing one’s scorecard is one of the most basic rules of the game, and forgetting to perform this act must require a type of mentality similar to the one that allows people to lock themselves out of automobiles, and/or run out of gas.

      I’ve had several unfortunate experiences over the years with respect to entry supplies (car keys, house keys), so I took the advice of my favorite philosopher – one who people rarely study in college courses – one D.H. Callahan, a character made popular by actor Clint Eastwood.

      Many refer to him simply as Dirty Harry, but I prefer the more scholastic reference of D.H.

      Mister Eastwood didn’t usually have a lot of speaking lines his early film career. He played characters that were men of few words but much meaning.

      In the film Magnum Force, the last line of the movie was Eastwood’s, as he watched the bad police lieutenant (Hal Holbrook) drive away in a car that contained a ticking time bomb. When the car was a hundred yards or so away, it blew up, and D.H. Callahan provided us with his classic grimace as he delivered the line that I adopted as a main behavioral guide: Man’s got to know his limitations.

      I try very hard to remember that line every time I goof up, and make an effort to mentally note another ‘limitation,’ and create a way to overcome it.

      As a result of this philosophy, I now have several magnetic Hide-a-Keys planted in various places around the outside of my home, office and vehicle.

      ***

      In the 1966 Pensacola Open, after shooting a second-round 67 to go along with his opening round 63, Doug Sanders had a four-shot lead - but instead of signing his scorecard, Sanders signed dozens of autographs and forgot to sign his second-round card.

      While he was in the press room talking about his round he was told that he was disqualified for not signing the card. Back then first place paid $10,000. Sanders estimated the disqualification cost him $25,000 in endorsements with companies that paid bonuses for tournament victories

      ***

      In 2000, leader Padraig Harrington was disqualified from the Benson and Hedges International Open before his final round at The Belfry for forgetting to sign his scorecard.

      The news was only announced half an hour before Harrington was due to tee off, and that mistake cost him £166,000 and caused him to miss out on going third in the European order of Merit.

      ***

      Michelle Wie was disqualified from the 2008 State Farm Classic for walking out past the scoring area’s rope-in-area without signing her first round scorecard.

      She was having one of her best games, and didn’t learn of the DQ until after she finished

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