Daly Battles: The Fall of Pyongyang

Chapter 1

Jang Song-taek backed out of the Supreme Leader’s en suite and motioned for his secretary. The young man took half a step forward and stopped. He licked his lips and rubbed his hands on his trousers. ‘Yes?’

Jang grabbed him by the shoulder. ‘Where is Jong-un? At this moment?’

The secretary stammered for a second, then looked at his watch. ‘It’s after midnight. Probably in the games room. Playing one of his shooting games.’

Jang nodded. ‘Bring him to me. Speak to no one else, or this will be your last night.’ He watched the scared kid run toward the back end of the residence and shook his head. ‘This is too early. He isn’t ready yet.’

He looked back into the bathroom. Kim Jong-il, Supreme Leader of the DPRK, was dead, face down in a pool of vomit. The shower was still running, slowly washing the bile down the drain. He was no forensic expert, but it looked like the man, already weakened by a stroke, had doubled over to throw up and lost his balance, striking his head on the marble wall on the way down.

‘It doesn’t matter what happened, it’s happened.’ He turned to the steps coming down the hallway. ‘Nephew, we need to talk.’

- o -

Members of the Senior Cabinet arrived over the space of the next twenty minutes. The chair at the head of the table was empty, and while they noticed, none mentioned it.

When all had arrived, Jang stood. ‘Primaries only. Aides, secretaries and anyone other than the Senior Ministers leave now.’

He waited by the cabinet room door, locking it when they left.

‘What’s this about? And where’s Jong-il?’

Jang looked at the General. ‘He won’t be joining us.’ He held up his hand. ‘Let me explain what has happened and what we need to do.’

- o -

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il dies of ‘heart attack’

BBC News - 19 December, 2011

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has died of a heart attack at the age of 69, state media have announced.

Millions of North Koreans were engulfed in indescribable sadness, the KCNA state news agency said, as people wept openly in Pyongyang.

KNCA described one of his sons, Kim Jong-un, as the great successor whom North Koreans should unite behind.

Pyongyang's neighbours are on alert amid fears of instability in the poor and isolated nuclear-armed nation

Fears were compounded by unconfirmed reports from South Korean news agency Yonhap that the North had test-fired a missile off its eastern coast before the announcement of Kim Jong-il's death was made.

Unnamed government officials in Seoul were quoted as saying they did not believe the launch was linked to the announcement. The South Korean defence ministry has declined to comment.

Following news of Mr Kim's death, South Korea put its armed forces on high alert and said the country was on a crisis footing. Japan's government convened a special security meeting.

China - North Korea's closest ally and biggest trading partner - expressed shock at the news of his death and pledged to continue making active contributions to peace and stability on the Korean peninsula and in this region.

- o -

Iranian scientist involved in nuclear program killed in Tehran bomb attack

Washington Post, Jan 11, 2012

By Thomas Erdbrink and Joby Warrick,

TEHRAN — A scientist linked to Iran’s nuclear program was killed in his car by a bomb-wielding assailant on Wednesday, a bold rush-hour attack that experts say points to a further escalation in a covert campaign targeting the country’s atomic officials and institutions.

The precision hit in a northern Tehran neighbourhood killed the 32-year-old chemical engineer employed at Iran’s main uranium-enrichment facility and brought to four the number of Iranian scientists killed by bombs in the past two years. No one asserted responsibility for the bombing, which prompted a swirl of accusations and denials as well as renewed concerns about worsening tensions between Iran and the West.

Iranian officials immediately accused the United States and Israel of orchestrating the attack on scientist Mostafa Ahmadi-Roshan, who was killed along with his bodyguard when an assailant on a motorcycle slapped a magnetic bomb on his car as he commuted to work, according to Iranian news reports. Vice President Mohammad Reza Rahimi blamed the attack on Zionists and those who claim they are against terrorism, the semi-official Fars News Agency reported.

- o -

George Sahin looked at his watch and drummed his fingers on the arm of the overstuffed chair. The flight to Pyongyang left in three hours and it was an hour to the airport in light traffic. Right now, coming up on Beijing dinner traffic, it would be closer to two. He slid opened his phone and dialled Matt’s number. It rang on his phone and across the lobby. He looked up and caught sight of him near the gift shop. ‘Matt, pal, over here.’

Matt looked and waved and parted the crowd. ‘Sorry, bud. This won’t take a minute.’

‘If I miss my flight I’m bunking in your room. I’ve already checked out.’

‘Yeah, yeah. You won’t. Plenty of time. I just wanted to touch base before you left. I probably won’t get there for at least three months. You’re going to be on your own, running this, until I get there. And communications are going to be very limited. So you’re definitely on your own. Fly to Seoul every few weeks to send me updates, okay?’

‘Sure thing, dad.’ He looked at his watch. ‘You need to chill, boss. Didn’t I bring you a great deal? Margins on this are double anything we’ve done in the last ten years.’

Matt stood and held out his hand. ‘You did good, George.’

George smiled and shook his hand. ‘Of course I did. Get back to what or whoever you were doing and let me go, okay? I don’t want to miss this flight.’

- o -

Digital Wireless Communications Confirms Contract

May 20, 2012 - Singapore, Singapore - Matt Daly, principle of Singapore based Digital Wireless Communications, will be personally taking charge of the telecommunications modernisation project his company is managing in Pyongyang. When contacted he said, ‘I am proud to be part of the opening of one of the most backward nations, communications-wise, in Asia. My company has the experience and talent to bring Pyongyang to the 21st century.’

Mr. Daly will be leaving for Pyongyang in three months. ‘I have a contract in Beijing to wind up. My second in command, George Sahin, is currently in North Korea setting up the project office and nailing down the scope of our activities.’

Matt Daly is known as the man who single-handedly interrupted a hijacking on a Singapore to Australia flight last year, as well as disarming a truck-bomb in the middle of a residential area in Kuala Lumpur shortly after. When asked to comment on his acts of bravery he claimed any knowledge this newspaper thought he had was probably incorrect.

- o -

German Terrorist Eludes Capture in Cambodia

June 6, 2012 - Kuala Lumpur. Christian Ganczarski, mastermind behind the attempted attacks on the US Embassy and British Consulate two years ago, as well as the Bali bombing in 2002, has again slipped through the fingers of authorities.

Suspected to be holed up in the Golden Triangle area of Cambodia, local military stormed his last known location and discovered he’d left at least a week earlier. His destination is currently unknown. Military arrested local criminals and are interrogating them in an attempt to discover his whereabouts.

- o -

Jang waited for Choe Ryong-hae to enter his office and closed the door behind him.

‘Do you know why I called you here?’

‘Why all the secrecy, Jang? We’ve been friends for decades, longer than many here have been alive. I haven’t seen you this serious in years.’ Choe laughed. ‘I’m kidding. You’re always dour. Looks like you sucked a lemon. You have since you were sixteen.’

‘Old friend, in all the years we’ve known each other, this is the probably the most critical time for our country. First, tell me your impression of Vice Marshall Ri.’

Choe squinted. ‘You’ve been picking that up too? He’s been gaining considerable power in the country.’

‘And he’s starting to make inroads in the city. It disturbs me. If I’m truthful, it’s concerning me. Very much. I think he needs to take a vacation.’

‘Car accident?’

Jang smiled. ‘As tempting as that is, I think a real retirement is in order. He’s served his country well. I just want him to stop while he’s ahead.’ He lit a cigarette. ‘I want you to take the role.’

Choe leaned back. ‘What’s the catch?’

‘None. You head over to his office and relieve him of his duties.’ He slid an envelope from the middle drawer of his desk. ‘Deliver this to him. It clarifies for him his ongoing role. He will be permitted to join the cabinet in a junior position. His salary will remain unchanged. But I want him out of the leadership role he currently holds. It is fraught with danger.’

‘Danger for us, not him.’

Jang smiled. ‘Precisely.’

Choe held up the envelope. ‘The youngster approves?’

Jang shook his head. ‘Jong-un doesn’t know. It’s not his concern. He’s not ready for decisions as weighty as this. I’ll coach him on the details.’ He looked at his watch. ‘Can you gather some men and handle it this afternoon? I’d like him to be neutralised as soon as possible.’

- o -

North Korean Army Chief ‘Refused to Go Quietly’

The ChosunIlbo, July 20, 2012

A gun battle broke out when the North Korean regime removed army chief Ri Yong-ho from office, leaving 20 to 30 soldiers dead, according to unconfirmed intelligence reports. Some intelligence analysts believe Ri, who has not been seen since his abrupt sacking earlier this week, was injured or killed in the confrontation.

According to government officials here, the gun battle erupted when Vice Marshal Choe Ryong-hae, the director of the People's Army General Political Bureau, tried to detain Ri in the process of carrying out leader Kim Jong-un's order to sack him. Guards protecting Ri, who is a vice marshal, apparently opened fire. We cannot rule out the possibility that Ri was injured or even killed in the firefight, said one source.

Choe is believed to be the right-hand man of Jang Song-taek, the uncle and patron of the young North Korean leader. He made his career in the Workers Party rather than the army. After being appointed director of the bureau, Choe repeatedly clashed with Ri, who came up as a field commander, prompting Choe to keep Ri under close watch and apparently triggering an internal probe targeting the army chief.

The military had grown tremendously in power under former North Korean leader Kim Jong-il's songun or military-first doctrine, and military heavyweights like Ri who grew in stature during this period were considered threats to the young North Korean leader.

"The firefight has still not been 100 percent confirmed, said a government official here. It may take some time for us to gain a clearer picture of what happened."

- o -

Kim Jong-un looked over the assembled crowd. To his right stood his uncle, Jang Song-taek. To the left, the new Vice Marshall. He looked at the sound man and received a nod. He was live. He looked down at the speech in his hands. The draft his uncle had given him was crumpled on the floor beneath his desk. He was stepping out from his uncle’s shadow. He was going to do it his way.

‘Citizens, no, my people of the glorious Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. Thank you for coming out to hear me speak on this beautiful summer’s day. As I have come to understand the problems facing us in this country, over the past six or seven months, it has become my desire to fix what ails us. Over the coming weeks I will present plans to open our economy to allow you, the people, to provide better for your families. There is wealth in this country and we need to exploit it. Self-sufficiency is possible and over the course of the next month I will introduce programmes to help you become more self-sufficient. It starts with the individual and will grow country-wide.’

- o -

‘What is it you think you’re going to accomplish?’

Jong-un sat back on the leather recliner and looked up at his pacing, agitated uncle. ‘Exactly what I said in the public gathering, and exactly what was broadcast around the world. I want market reforms like China’s. You look outside your bubble of influence, ever?’ Jong-un wiped the corners of his mouth with his thumb and forefinger. ‘This country is falling apart.’ He held up his hands. ‘Before you spout a bunch of party rhetoric, it’s me you’re talking to, okay? I know the party line. My grandfather founded this country, and my father tried to continue in his footsteps, but the reality of the world we live in is that it’s not working.’ He sighed and pushed himself to his feet. ‘Uncle, I’m the dynasty. The people listen to me, although I sense they won’t listen much longer if things don’t change.’

Jang clenched his jaw muscles. ‘This isn’t China. We must continue the programme of self-reliance, of Juche. It’s the only way. Relying on foreign powers weakens us, puts us under their control. I can’t let you do it.’

‘You don’t have much choice, Uncle. You work for me. Now leave me be. I need to think.'

‘No. There are events unfolding that concern the future of this country, nephew. Prosperity will come much faster my way. Perhaps it’s time I brought you into the discussions.’

‘What plans? I need to be involved in any and all plans involving my country.’

Jang smiled. ‘Reunification. On our terms. Let me explain.’

Chapter 2

Matt closed the news clippings folder. Two years ago it would have been a physical folder, with yellowed paper newsprint clippings. Or printouts from one of the many news sources he subscribed to. Today it was a folder on his iPad. He missed the paper.

He stored the iPad, raised his seat and table top and prepared to land. The flight from Beijing was probably one of the least comfortable experiences of his professional life, if you excluded the hut in the Malaysian jungle two years earlier.

The hut was barely worse than this flight.

The pilot banked left into the approach vector and, mercifully, gently touched down in Pyongyang.

Matt looked out the window at the surrounding countryside. Nothing there to indicate he was in one of the most repressed countries in the world.

‘And what the hell am I doing here?’

Some traditions are universal. First class left the flight first. ‘At least that’s a differentiator. The food and booze were the same for everyone,’ he muttered.

Leaving first didn’t actually give much of a benefit.

He led the walk down the flight stairs to the tarmac and snugged his jacket against the early autumn wind. Young, fit men in flight attendant uniforms herded the passengers onto a bus. It rolled for less than 200 meters before it stopped in front of the terminal. They entered the arrivals door and waited at the carousel for almost thirty minutes before it started moving. It was another twenty before his luggage appeared. It took him that fifty minutes to figure out what exactly he was supposed to write on the immigration card. The Korean, he assumed, was clear, but the English translations were a mystery. He took a photo of the card. ‘Gotta get a local to translate this for me.’

Immigration was a snap. The introductory letter from the Minister for Communications helped move things along. It changed a bit at Customs.

‘Good afternoon Mr. Matt. Welcome to Pyongyang. I need to know the contents of your bags.’

Matt suppressed a yawn. ‘The usual. Clothes for a couple of weeks, toiletries. The usual stuff.’

‘Do you have any electronics?’

‘Of course I do. Doesn’t everybody these days?’

‘And they are?’

Matt furrowed his brow. ‘iPad, iPhone, laptop. Two laptops, actually. Kindle. Probably something else I can’t remember.’ His hand subconsciously touched his wallet in his suit pocket. ‘Why?’

The Customs Agent smiled his practised smile, reserved for Western tourists. ‘You will need to surrender all of your electronics. You will, of course, receive a docket which you will present when you leave to claim them back.’

‘Are you kidding me?’

The smile didn’t waver. ‘There are local mobile phones that are available for a very nominal fee and work very well in Pyongyang.’

Matt pulled the Minister’s letter from his suit breast pocket. ‘See this? I’m here in this country specifically to improve your mobile networks. I know how crap they are. And it’s not the phone I’m worried about. I can’t do my job without the laptops.’

‘So sorry, Mr. Matt. It is a regulation.’

Matt looked over the Customs Agent’s shoulder. His bags were opened and all of the electronics piled to one side. He shook his head. ‘We’ll see about this. What’s your name?’

The agent pointed to his name tag, written in Korean.

‘Great. What does that exactly say?’

‘My name is Park Song O. You may call me O.’

Matt rubbed his forehead. ‘Great job you’re doing, O. A little too blind to protocol, I’m afraid. I think we’ll be seeing each other later.’ He took the proffered chit and pushed past to collect his bags. One carry on, two full-sized cases, lighter by two laptops, one digital camera, an iPad, and iPhone and an iPod Touch.

He pushed the trolley through the doors to the arrival hall wondering how the day could get worse.

- o -

George and Lee Eun-bin, his ‘tour-guide’, aka handler, waited in the arrivals hall.

Eun-bin was more than a foot shorter than George, and she was tall for her family. Her official uniform for the job was a navy skirt and blazer, and a crisp white shirt. She leaned very lightly against George, a slight smile on her face. She looked up at him. ‘You know what he looks like, right?’

George laughed and brushed his hand over his close-shaved head. ‘Yeah, if anything, he won’t recognise me. What’s taking so long?’

She looked at the thin stream of people already leaving the Immigration and Customs area. ‘I don’t know. I’ve never left the country, so I’ve never needed to go through Immigration and Customs. I imagine they are asking a lot of questions.’

‘He’s here at the invitation of your government. Should be a cake-walk.’

‘Cake-walk?’

George laughed. ‘It’s an education for you, hanging around me, isn’t it? Cake-walk means easy. Should be very easy.’

‘I know some of the people hired to work in Customs and Immigration. Very exacting and, what was the term you used the other day? Very committed. They have the assurances of the senior management that if they make a mistake it will impact them and their family for generations. In a bad way.’ She shrugged. ‘But that’s never a problem if you do a thorough job all the time.’

The door pushed open and a trolley pushed by a tired looking Matt emerged.

George waved. ‘Matt. Over here.’

The trolley adjusted its bearing and slowly rolled down the ramp, seeming to be guiding Matt rather than being guided by Matt.

‘You look like crap, man. Good flight?’

Matt squinted and looked at his business partner’s scalp. ‘Head lice?’

George grinned and brushed his hand over his bristled pate. ‘Nah. Time for a change. I caught enough shit from the local military overlords about the pony-tail and I thought this was a smart idea. Actually like it. Never thought I’d say that.’

‘Too bad your head doesn’t suit the cut.’

Eun-bin laughed, covering her mouth.

‘Nice, boss. Mocking me in front of my local guide who thinks the world of me. Or has until now.’

George pointed to Matt. ‘Eun-bin, this round-eye is Matt Daly. He runs the ship. His wish is my command and he’s always right, even when he’s wrong. Matt, this young lady is Lee Eun-bin. She has been kindly provided by the government to act as a guide. I’m pretty sure she spies on us too, but hey, look at where we are. Would you expect any different?’

Matt shook hands with Eun-bin while George pulled a young man to the front.

‘This is Lee Tang-li. They aren’t related. Don’t ask. I’ve already embarrassed myself. Half this country is either from the Kim, Lee or Park family. Tang-li has been provided by the benevolent government to be your guide, interpreter, procurer of things you can’t find.’ George winked. ‘Go with it.’

Matt slowly shook Tang-li’s hand. ‘How’s your English?’

‘Pretty good, Mr. Matt.’

‘Right off the bat, bud, I’m either Mr. Daly or Matt. I prefer Matt. I’m not Mr. Matt.’ He smiled. ‘Okay?’

‘Okay.’ He handed Matt a business card, held with both hands extended like he was bowing. ‘If you ever need anything, please give me a call.’

‘I would, except the asshole back there took my phone. And my iPad. And my laptops.’ He looked at George. ‘I need to source a new machine. I backed up to the cloud before I left. There’s about a day’s worth of work I need to re-create.’

George looked at Eun-bin who shook her head and said something to Tang-li in Korean. He also shook his head. George held up a finger. ‘Hang on here for a minute. They shouldn’t have taken anything.’ He grabbed Eun-bin and ran in the Exit door. A couple of heavily armed security personnel caught off guard chased them in.

Matt clenched his fists. ‘Wonderful. Is George going to get himself killed?’

Tang-li smiled. ‘I wouldn’t know. This is going to be a fun assignment, though.’

‘Right. Fun. Tang-li, right? How do you get a job like this?’

‘Just Tang is fine. Family connections, do good in school, and be a member of the youth party at a very young age.’ He smiled. ‘Your friend, George, was right. I will spy. But you guys and your company are here to help the country, so I can’t see myself reporting much.’

‘Except the death of a Westerner while attempting to crash your Customs department.’

‘Looks to be okay.’ Tang pointed at the opening doors, George with an armload of electronics, Eun-bin in tow.

Both laptops and all of Matt’s iProducts were deposited in Matt’s arms. ‘Here you go boss. All good. And we can’t access our corporate cloud from this country, so you’re lucky I’m here.’

‘How in the hell?’

‘I’m in tight with the big guy.’

‘The Minister?’

George pointed up. ‘Higher.’

‘What? Kim Jong-un?’

George nodded. ‘Good buddies. Sorta. We’ve got to stop by and see him on the way to the office tomorrow morning.’

Tang and Eun-bin were smiling.

Matt nodded in their direction. ‘What’s with them?’

‘Jobs with this profile are few and far between. Jong-un and I just hit it off. Almost immediately. They’ve been pulled up in the vortex. He likes us then he’ll automatically like them and they will have careers paved with cotton-candy and unicorns.’

Matt raised an eyebrow.

‘Trust me. It’s all good. How do you think I got your stuff back so easily? A few words to that officious - ’ he paused and looked at the handlers ‘ - dedicated, responsible worker was all it took.’

Matt turned on his phone as Tang pushed his trolley out of the airport. ‘Four bars. But no service.’

‘No roaming agreements with anyone outside the country.’ George fished in his shirt pocket and handed Matt a small buff envelope. ‘SIM card for the local system.’

Matt slid it in his shirt pocket. ‘I’ll sort it at the hotel.’ He stopped at the curb outside the airport. ‘Where is all the traffic?’

Tang motioned to the driver of one of the few cars, a twenty-year-old Mercedes, to open the boot and placed the bags in the back. ‘Get in, Matt. We’ll make sure you get to your hotel okay.’

Eun-bin sat in the front and Matt, George and Tang squeezed into the back, Tang in the middle.

Eun-bin gave the driver directions and the car pulled away from the curb and headed into the city.

‘Seriously, George. Where in the hell are all the cars?’

‘Not that many here, boss. Mostly bikes and buses. If you see a car, it’s an important person.’

‘Drive testing this network is going to be sweet.’

Tang looked up at Matt. ‘Drive test the network? What does that mean?’

‘We have test equipment that measures the signal strength, quality and mobile phone call protocols. This equipment gets installed in a car and we drive all the major roads before and after we do our work.’

‘Ah. To quantify the impact of your efforts. Very good.’ Tang pointed at Matt. ‘You don’t actually do the driving, do you?’

‘No. We have some junior engineers who will use the equipment and we’ll hire some local drivers to actually drive the vehicles. George and I are the brains of the outfit.’ He laughed and looked over at George. ‘You’ve been here three months and you’ve got enough clout to backtalk a Customs Agent and get my iStuff back? How does this happen? You don’t have a political bone in your body. You’re apolitical.’

George shrugged. ‘I told you, we hit it off.’

‘Met him over coffee, shared a few jokes, right.’

‘Seriously, boss. Within a week of getting here the Minister of Comms invited me to lunch where I met the Supreme Commander. Turns out he’s a basketball nut and I’m the tallest guy he’s seen since his college days in Switzerland. We’ve met every couple of weeks or so to talk basketball. Not surprisingly he’s a huge Lin fan.’

Matt looked at the barely suppressed smiles on their respective handlers’ faces. ‘If it wasn’t for the look on these two I’d say you were full of shit.’

George held his hand up in a poor imitation of a Scout’s salute. ‘I would not tell a lie. And besides, you’ll find out for real tomorrow morning.’

‘Right. On the way to the office. Okay, I can wait.’

They travelled in silence for another twenty minutes until the driver stopped in front of the pyramid-shaped Ryugyong Hotel.

‘Welcome to the Rug, boss. Opened officially three months ago after years of dicking around.’ He leaned closer, like he was telling a secret, even though everyone could hear him. ‘Nothing works between the fourth and twentieth floor. Still technically under construction. The twenty-first to 105th is finished. We’re on twenty-three, so we’ll be fine. Little suites, actually. Kitchen and everything. Not really sure if the stuff in the kitchen works. Haven’t used any of them since I moved in.’

‘Do they take AmEx?’

‘You’re already checked in, boss. I’ll get you up to date over dinner.’ George looked to Eun-bin. ‘We’ll be in for the night. See you both at breakfast tomorrow? Usual time?’

‘They’re not joining us?’

George tapped his nose and slightly shook his head. ‘They’ve got family to see and regale with the miraculous work this round-eye did to rescue your electronics. Right kids? Matt is buying breakfast tomorrow, so have a light dinner tonight.’

The driver retrieved Matt’s luggage from the back of the car, loaded it on a trolley and passed it off to a hotel staff. He tipped his hat and drove off, both handlers in the back seat.

- o -

Matt watched the car leave then turned to George. ‘So what was it you didn’t want to talk about in front of the kids?’

George shook his head. ‘Not yet. Wait until we get to my room.’

They bypassed the front desk and rode the elevator to the twenty-third floor. George led Matt to his room and pointed to the room adjacent. ‘This is you, and I’m right next door. Shower and come over. I’ll have dinner brought up. We need to chat about some ground rules here.’

‘Ground rules?’

George pushed him toward his room. ‘Shower and I’ll see you in fifteen.’

- o -

Matt towelled off, dressed in fresh clothes and knocked on his partner’s door.

‘Matt, old chum. Come in. I’ve ordered dinner. Passable food here.’ George looked out in the hall then closed the door. ‘You eat while I have a shower.’ He popped into the bathroom and turned on the faucet and the shower, coming back out to the main room of the suite, leaving the bathroom door open. He sat across the small table from Matt and leaned forward, speaking low. ‘There are microphones in here. Everything you say is monitored. Not surprising since we’re round-eyes and the government here doesn’t trust anybody, but there you have it.’

‘Thought you were tight with the Big Cheese.’

George shrugged. ‘Makes no difference. He likes me. He doesn’t trust me.’

Matt pointed at the open bathroom door. ‘This is really necessary?’

‘I don’t like busybodies. Gets my goat. Eat while it’s warm.’

Matt looked at the breaded chicken breast, mashed potatoes and garden greens. ‘Is it any good?’

‘Denny’s quality, which, I understand, is Michelin 4-star for this country.’

Matt chuckled. ‘So this is just water wasting? Nothing secret to impart?’

‘We’re going to meet the big poomba tomorrow morning. He’s got a ridiculous accent, borne of remaining inattentive in English language classes and hanging out with Germans