Gravity Of Lust

GRAVITY OF LUST

By Chloe Lafleur

Copyright 2013 iPublishig

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER I : DARK MANTRA

CHAPTER II : BRIDGE

CHAPTER III : PILOT

CHAPTER IV : LIMBO

CHAPTER V : STRINGS OF LIFE

CHAPTER VI : SHIFT

CHAPTER VII : APOLOGY

CHAPTER VIII: FLOW

CHAPTER IX : ESSENCE OF LIFE

A LETTER

Chapter I

DARK MANTRA

Mary never imagined how dark the night could be. Its depth surprised her, but she still felt nothing. It was almost as if she could drown inside of its blackness. She felt no air around her. Her body was suffocating in the vacuum of night. The darkness clung to her, wrapped itself around her, and overwhelmed her senses. Beyond the droplets of water sliding down the windshield, she saw nothing and she felt nothing.

How accurate, she thought. She drew connections in her mind between the weather and the events of the evening. Each water drop on the windshield symbolized a new thought that was just slipping away from her. Her mind was both blank and full. She had so many thoughts, but all of them were fleeting. Each one competed with the others for a place at the forefront of her memory. She wanted so desperately to relive the night but couldn’t wrap her mind around the concept.

Rape.

She kept coming back to that word, rolling it around in her thoughts. It couldn’t be possible. That was what happened to other people, but not to her. It especially couldn’t have happened with him.

Her eyes darted sideways to steal a glance at Alex. He had been her childhood best friend, her confidante, and her secret-keeper, but in the last few hours, reality had shattered the image she had of him. Alex lifted his hand to place it on her arm, offering an outward gesture of intimacy and comfort. Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet his. She imagined what he might see deep in her soul. Would he see the emptiness, the loneliness, the struggle to process what had happened? Would he see her desperation to find the person she once thought she knew so well?

Panic grabbed her in its clutches and forced her to look at the ugly truth of where she was. She was in a car with a man who could only be described as a stranger now. Her apartment was so close, but she was scared to leave the car and bridge the gap. She didn’t want to leave until she had answers. Mary needed to understand what happened before she could move on and leave this man behind her.

The heaviness of her questions weighed down on her. She hadn’t known that everything would change so quickly, without any warning. Mary tried to reach into the depths of her mind, but only came up with more questions. She didn’t understand, and couldn’t process, exactly what had happened to her, to Alex. Unable to stand the pressure weighing on her chest any longer, she reached for the door and let herself out.

She didn’t have the words to say goodbye to Alex. She didn’t know if she ever would.

As she opened the door she welcomed the rush of fresh air against her face. It helped her to breathe easier and opened up her mind. The rain pelted against her skin, helping her to ground herself in reality. The wetness of it against her skin helped her to realize that this was real. Mary walked up the pathway to her apartment without thinking, allowing the sheer habit of the walk to guide her. After letting herself in, she looked around, dropping her belongings immediately. Unsure of what to do next, she headed straight towards her shower, certain that it would help her to clear her mind. Determination replaced fear, and numbness was overwhelmed by urgency. She was filled with the feeling of being dirty and impure. Her stomach turned and made her feel nauseous. She worried her skin would never get clean enough. More than that, it went beyond just her skin. The grime was inside her, deep within her body where Alex had touched her. It flowed from the place in her mind where that she couldn’t access, and it infected the rest of her body.

In the shower, she turned the hot water just enough to scald her. She poured more soap than usual and scrubbed herself harder than ever before. No matter how much effort she put into her shower, she still couldn’t erase the filth of what happened with Alex. As she scrubbed, the memories and images floated to the surface, robbing her of the numbness she had all night. It was impossible to think of anything except for what she had seen and felt.

It was a horror movie playing the same few frames over and over again. Alex’s calloused hands were rubbing her body, invading her. The smell of his sweat filled her nostrils like smoke, choking her, depriving her of fresh air. His whispered words, intimate and unwelcome, echoed in her ears like a ringing bell. The weight of his body on hers pressed down on her chest and made it hard to breathe. The fear overwhelmed her and her heart began to race again. As the scene came to a close, so did her need to cleanse herself.

She left the shower with swollen skin, tender to the touch because of her vigorous scrubbing. Her mind continued to race and she climbed into her bed. Mary closed her eyes as tightly as she could, pulling the sheets from her bed around her. She wanted them to lie tightly against her, to act as a barrier that would keep the dark mantra of Alex’s words away from her. The bed linens cooled her hot skin but did little for her agitated mind. Where she should have found peace and comfort, she only found uneasiness. The silence and emptiness of the bedroom welcomed her unpleasant thoughts. It became a breeding ground for her thoughts to run rampant.

Alex had once been her childhood best friend. She had told him everything, and he had robbed her of her power and her peace. Her life at home was wonderful as an adult, with two beautiful children and a loving husband. Would her marriage be in jeopardy because another man had violated her? Would she feel as hopeless as she had throughout her childhood? Though she had overcome the odds to have an enjoyable and successful life, she felt pain creep back into her life. Alex had shattered something innocent and pure, and made it impossible for her to think of anything other than him.

How could this have happened to her? She had already endured so many hardships and trials that it seemed unfair for life to hand her this. She was locked inside her own prison of sadness and couldn’t find a way out. Though she longed for sleep, it eluded her. Though she was desperate for answers, she longed to forget the events. Her desire for clarity equaled her desire to forget.

She tried to hold her breath and force herself to sleep, eager for the release from reality. Instead, she tossed and turned. She was exhausted, but she could only cry. Occasionally she would laugh at how absurd this situation seemed. Of course it hadn’t really happened. It was nothing but a dream. It was a terrible nightmare, but soon she would return home to her family and this night would be forgotten with only a small laugh. The next time she saw Alex she might blush and think about what a horrible dream it had been, but she would be safe. She struggled to maintain this train of thought because deep down, she knew that her nightmare was true and she couldn’t continue to avoid it.

She rolled over and stared at the clock, willing the morning to come faster. As the first lights of dawn begin to drift through