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    Pervert
    Pervert
    Pervert
    Ebook67 pages51 minutes

    Pervert

    By Mr If

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    In the third part of Mr If’s Entertainment Trilogy, the legendary author’s tales of sexual excess are drawn to an extraordinary conclusion.

    Skint, rejected and desperate, our pseudonymous protagonist embarks on a trek across small-town England, on what turns out to be a tough mission to cure his “adultery addiction”.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPhilistine Press
    Release dateAug 4, 2013
    ISBN9781301280421
    Pervert
    Author

    Mr If

    Mr If has submitted the following biographical note: "Everything you need to know about Mr If is contained in his writing. All other biographical information is irrelevant."

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      Book preview

      Pervert - Mr If

      Pervert

      By Mr If

      Published by Philistine Press at Smashwords

      Copyright 2013 Mr If

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

      www.philistinepress.com

      © Mr If 2013

      Published by Philistine Press

      Contents

      Author’s note

      1

      2

      3

      4

      5

      6

      7

      8

      9

      10

      11

      12

      13

      14

      15

      Author’s Note

      Welcome to the third part in what I’ve decided to call The Entertainment Trilogy.

      Publishing a set of three ebooks was never my intention. It just so happens that Entertainment, Violence is the Answer and Pervert cover three specific periods in my life, each written shortly after the actual events.

      This one rounds things off nicely because, as I’ll go on to explain, Pervert is the last book I’ll ever write.

      Everything you’re about to read happened in real life. That includes the particularly unbelievable bits, occurring in chapters 10 and 15.

      I’m not too bothered if you’re unconvinced – I just thought I’d point out that this is a work of non-fiction. I’ve changed a few names and sexed-up the dialogue a little, just to make it a little more presentable.

      For reasons that will become clear, this book is dedicated to my mother.

      1.

      This account begins with me having sex with a Nazi. In the interests of honesty, it only seems fair to mention it.

      Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t having sex with her because she was a Nazi. For the purposes of our brief, meaningless exchange, the lady’s belief system didn’t matter.

      Maybe I would’ve thought twice if she hadn’t been so attractive. Despite my utterly indiscriminate taste in human flesh, I had to admit, this woman was truly exceptional.

      Shortly after meeting in the hotel bar, she casually slipped into the conversation that the Government ought to combat overpopulation by killing all homosexuals. She said it with such sweetness, and with lips of such perfection that even as a bisexual man, I began to wonder if she had a point. Accordingly, I nicknamed her The Fit Bigot.

      Fit – there’s a disgusting British colloquialism for you. It’s a label designed to prevent us from expressing an interest in anyone other than the young, the skinny and the pretty. Still, it seemed the most appropriate term. The Fit Bigot was both attractive and athletic – equipped with a full set of pert body parts.

      Pert. There’s another word I actively despise. The word sickens me. It’s the language of perverts.

      I don’t like the word pervert either – but only because it’s so often misapplied.

      As far as I’m concerned, perverts are the fuckwits who worship conventional beauty.

      Sex with the Nazi ground on until it became rather boring.

      The fun would’ve finished sooner, but – gentleman that I am – I was holding out until she climaxed.

      She needed to enjoy the experience far more than I did. She was married, by her own admission. She was going to have an orgasm if it fucking killed her.

      I’ve been doing this long enough to appreciate what goes on in the mind of a cheater. If you’re playing away from home, it’s vitally important that you enjoy it, otherwise you’ve risked everything for nothing. Your marriage could be destroyed for the sake of a crap shag.

      This is part of the appeal of fucking married people. They go about it with such enthusiasm and determination.

      Despite this benefit, and in spite of The Fit Bigot’s simplistic sexiness, it occurred to me that I needed to stop. Not then and there, of course – that would’ve been impolite.

      I didn’t need to stop having sex with bad people – I can’t be expected to conduct a morality check on every scumbag I sleep with. I needed to stop having sex with married people. It really wasn’t doing me any good.

      2.

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