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Let's Get Married

Let's Get Married

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Let's Get Married

valutazioni:
1/5 (1 valutazione)
Lunghezza:
162 pagine
1 ora
Editore:
Pubblicato:
Mar 9, 2013
ISBN:
9781301465248
Formato:
Libro

Descrizione

Jasmine receives a message unexpectedly from an old university friend who she had made a marriage pact with in the past. Seriously, who in their right mind would have thought that he would want to marry her if Jasmine, was not married by thirty? Surely, this is a joke because nobody does that kind of thing for real, right. With Jasmine being the nice person that she is, she decides to let him down gently by pretending that she is already married to someone else so there is no need for him to visit. Only he is coming to town on business anyway and would like to meet her new husband.

There is one problem with this course of action. Jasmine doesn't have a hubby knocking about the place, when she comes up with a crazy plan to get herself a groom and fake a whole white wedding just to prove that she has indeed found her ‘happily ever after’. So with plenty of laughs along the way and even when, it involves a horse head rubber mask being worn, it was all going so well. Until . . . it did not.

This is a British romantic comedy, short novel of approximately 50,000 words.

Editore:
Pubblicato:
Mar 9, 2013
ISBN:
9781301465248
Formato:
Libro

Informazioni sull'autore

Maureen Reil writes comic commercial fiction and has had over 35 books published, so far, but she's always working on a new manuscript so she wishes to add to that tally with lots of new titles before she's done and dusted. She was born in the city of Liverpool and resides in semi-rural Lancashire UK, but longs to live by the sea. It was always a dream of hers to become a novelist and thanks to her readers, she has fulfilled that ambition, so she couldn't be more grateful if she tried. And Maureen hopes you enjoying reading her books as much as she enjoys writing them.

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Leggi altro di Maureen Reil

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Let's Get Married - Maureen Reil

Let’s Get Married

By Maureen Reil

Smashwords Edition

Copyright ©2013 Maureen Reil

Updated Edition 2014

This eBook is entirely a work of fiction.

The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

Maureen Reil asserts the moral right to be, identified as the sole author of this work.

Dedicated to

All the authors that I am personally a fan of and long may you continue to entertain us

Also by the author Maureen Reil

Chick-Lit By Any Other Name (Chick-Lit Collection)

Chick-Lit By Any Other Name 2 (Chick-Lit Collection)

Lily Loves To Love

Sleepyhead Shares A Secret

I Did Write What I Know

I Hate Me, Who Do You Hate?

Chick-Lit Saved My Life (Chick-Lit Trilogy book 1)

Chick-Lit Stole My Life (Chick-Lit Trilogy book 2)

Chick-Lit Staged My Life (Chick-Lit Trilogy book 3)

Chick-Lit Collection

Chick-Lit Trilogy

Mistletoe And Wine (Christmas Comedy Trilogy)

Mistletoe And Wine 2 (Christmas Comedy Trilogy)

Mistletoe And Wine 3 (Christmas Comedy Trilogy)

Christmas Comedy Trilogy

Let’s Get Together (Let’s Get Funny Fiction)

Let’s Get It Started (Let’s Get Funny Fiction)

Let’s Get Serious (Let’s Get Funny Fiction)

Let’s Get Ready To Rumble (Let’s Get Funny Fiction)

Let’s Get Physical (Let’s Get Funny Fiction)

The Finch Family Holiday (Comical Vacations)

The Finch Family Holiday 2 (Comical Vacations)

The Finch Family Holiday 3 (Comical Vacations)

A Granny Is For Life, Not Just Christmas

Let’s Get Funny Fiction 1 (Three-Book Bundle)

Let’s Get Funny Fiction 2 (Three-Book Bundle)

Let’s Get Funny Fiction (Six-Book Box Set)

Comical Vacations 1 (Three-Book Bundle)

Table of Contents

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

One

Whatever made me think that this would be an easy way out of an awkward situation, well, I must have been stark raving mad because it is anything but? Only I cannot possibly wed ‘Fat Felix’ and become his wife, seriously, no way. As I breathe deeply in through my nose and out through my mouth in order to calm the old nerves, when spying on the ex-boyfriend drinking at the bar with his mates. I am still undecided whether to ask Victor to do me a favour and agree to marry me. It would only be for a few days so it is not as if it would be forever and besides, he owes me big style for saving his radio job as a DJ. I’d covered for him being ‘high’ on drugs live on air, by playing the tracks and keeping his chat to a bare minimum so nobody heard his wordy interludes on extraterrestrial life (when working as his production assistant). Believe me; Victor would not normally fall into ‘decent husband material’ by any means being that he is the biggest ever womaniser to walk the earth that I know of, on an intimate level. However, I need to find a husband and I need to find one quick since I am running out of time.

‘Go on then, get over there before you change your mind,’ encourages my friend Erin with a nudge of her bare arm on mine. I did not expect to get an actual shock from the contact so it made me jump up off my stool but then again, Erin is just full of static electricity. While she insists that, it generates by the rubbing of her chubby thighs as she walks across a carpet wearing leggings under her knee-length dress. She actually believes this and claims to have even lit up a light bulb in the past; I have yet to witness this for myself so I do not know whether to believe her or not. Well, would you.

‘I haven’t had enough to drink . . . give me your shot too,’ I demand of her as I reach down and she lets me have it. Erin knows that I need it more than her if I am to do this.

‘Good luck sister, you’re going to need it with him,’ she says and waves me off in his direction. He is wearing his obligatory leather jeans and I cannot believe that I once found them sexy, not cheesy.

‘Hi, Victor . . . I heard your new lunchtime show’s going well,’ I said as I muscle in beside him and the bar.

‘Jasmine . . . yeah, it’s slaying you guys for listeners over at System FM. You know, you have always been the best-looking assistant I have ever had . . . in or out of work,’ he remarks and slips an arm around my waist whilst nuzzling into my neck to claim me in front of his mates. It is a man thing so I let it go.

‘Could I steal you away from your pals for just a minute? I need to ask you something personal,’ I ask, grabbing his hand to stop it slipping down towards my bum for a slow squeeze. I know the routine by heart; I have felt it enough times.

‘Sure thing, pretty lady . . . you want my body and you can’t get enough of me. It happens all the time,’ he replies aloud so that his mates think that he has pulled me without even trying.

‘Yeah, something like that,’ I say and smile to show willing in playing along with his macho games before we move away.

‘Listen doll . . . if this is about you leaving that girlie talk show of yours and getting your old job back. Well I miss the banter too, so I might be able to pull a few strings if you’re willing to take a pay cut and jump in the sack with me.’ He licks his lips.

‘God no . . . I am happy over at, System FM. My show’s going great, but thanks anyway for asking,’ I retort and sniggering at thought of working with him again, never mind bedding him after catching him in a threesome with a newly formed girl group that he was interviewing on the release of their first song. It tanked and sunk without trace, pretty much like our relationship did too at the time.

‘I know it didn’t end well between us when we were together, so if this is about you wanting an exclusive relationship again? I am sorry, but I cannot promise I will not end up shagging around. It’s the nature of the beast and you know what I’m like by now,’ he said as a readymade excuse and pulling me in towards him for a sloppy kiss on the lips to make up, but I resist and turn my cheek so it leaves a damp patch on my foundation instead. Is he wearing lip-gloss, because it sure feels sticky to the touch?

‘I need a husband and I’d thought that with you and I having once been an item and I did save your neck that time, so you do owe me a huge favour. Well I was wondering . . .’ I say, but do not get to finish my sentence. Victor rudely butts in just when I had finally geared up the balls to do this in the first place.

‘Whoa there girly . . . you are not getting down on one knee, are you? If you are then I can think of better things to do in this position than that. I know it’s a leap year, love, but you don’t have to propose to me to get laid,’ he interrupts and holds onto my arms, just in case I try to whip out a ring in surprise.

‘It’s not what you think . . . I’ve not gone crazy, even over you. But I need someone to pretend that we’re married for just a short while and then, we can go our separate ways.’

‘Hold on, you want me to pretend to be your husband?’

‘Yes. It would not be hard; we did live together for a whole year, so a whole week at the most should not be so difficult. I just need us to hang out as a couple. I would be eternally grateful.’

‘How grateful are we talking here? I mean, if I’m your husband . . . do I get to exercise my marital rights?’

‘You’re what?’

‘Do I get to shag you stupid and you won’t object?’

‘No. It’s just pretend so you’ll have your own bedroom,’ I say, forcefully removing his wandering hands from my person.

‘Huh, you are no fun anymore . . . whatever happened to that giddy girl I used to know, who was up for anything exciting?’

‘She got wise to you. Are you going to do this for me or not?’

‘Let me get this straight . . . I am to pretend that we are married but we are not, right?’ asks Victor as he mulls it over.

‘That’s right. We just have to get dressed up and take some wedding pictures and put an announcement in the paper, that sort of thing to make it appear as if it really happened,’ I said with a wave of my hand as if to say that it’s nothing really.

‘Sorry darling, but that is a step too far for me. I can’t be seen to be married by my public; I have my reputation to think about,’ he replies whilst shaking his head and raising his palms in the air to stop me in my tracks while emphasizing the big fat, NO headed my way.

‘Well thanks for nothing, Victor. I’ll remember that the next time you want my help.’ I stormed off in the opposite direction.

‘The cheeky bastard turned you down . . . didn’t he?’ said Erin when I had returned to my stool in a glum mood.

‘He didn’t want anyone to know that we’re married. Is he that ashamed of me?’

‘Victor should be made-up that you would even consider him to be your pretend hubby . . . you are too good for someone who thinks with their dick anyway,’ said my best friend.

‘It’s nice of you to say-so, but it still leaves me husbandless.’

‘I would pretend to be gay and marry you myself if you had not gone and told Fat Felix that you had a husband already.’

‘I know . . . it would be all sorted by now and we would be able to pull it off no problem.’

‘God, I wouldn’t go that far because I’m not into chicks . . . but yeah, I am something of an actress when I want to be. It runs in the family see, my cousin’s an actor.’

‘That’s what I meant too . . . I’m not into women either.’

This is a million times worse than just telling the truth. Why can’t I just man up and say to this old mate of mine from university that I don’t want to get hitched to him, thanks for the kind offer and remembering me at all but no? I am not that desperate and the marriage pact of ours that we had agreed upon, which is a promise to marry each other if not wed by thirty is frankly ridiculous. (I had had my 30th birthday the other week.) We only did it because everyone else was doing it back in the day and it was nothing more than a silly romantic idea made by a couple of fatties, who had nobody else to practice kissing on but each other. Granted we were close back then, but as soon as he went off to a different university in a different part of the planet and made different friends, we rather drifted apart as most people do. Therefore, we had not bothered to keep in touch for we were too busy getting on with our own lives, just like everyone else in the normal world.

So to be honest, I didn’t for a minute expect Fat Felix to actually honour it and send me an email stating that he was coming back to his hometown and that Fat Felix intended to marry me whilst here. (By the way, that was what he called himself. It was a nickname, which stuck so it is not me being cruel.) Only how dare he assume that nobody else would have wanted to marry me before now? It is downright insulting to think that he thinks of me as a pity case that cannot get someone to commit to me other than him coming to my rescue. Christ, this is not the dark ages and he is not my knight in shining armour for heaven’s sake. As I have but a mere week before Fat Felix arrives to not only find myself a man but get to know a newlywed, fake husband too.

In the end, I have had to resort to the good old internet to discover if there was someone out there who is willing to do this for me, without the payment of sex being on offer. I was going to ask this cute dude at the radio station and he was even interested enough to ask me out on a date once (if not necessarily the whole marriage thing). Only I had already turned him down because it would have been on the rebound from Victor. It would be weird to work with someone who had pretended to be your fake husband. What if he takes it seriously and thinks that I love him and want to wed him for real. It could get out of hand, besides, I am happy to be single for a while longer so I am in no rush at all to settle down and produce kiddies. I do not know if I ever will be, at this stage in my life.

Erin says that outlook will all change when I meet the perfect person for me. She had already met her ‘Mr Right’ and wanted to have his babies the moment she laid eyes on him. Only it turns out that he was married with a couple of children of his own already, unbeknownst to her until after the affair got serious. Erin still insists that they will be together in the next lifetime instead of this one. The way I see it is that he refused to leave his wife and kids for her and this is her way of coping with the rejection. But waiting a whole lifetime for one man seems a bit extreme to me, not that it has stopped her from forging alliances with other married men in the meantime (notably the current guy that she works with, in the insurance company). I worry for her, I really do but I have to admit that she seems to have a much more fulfilling love life than I do. So, who am I to judge?

Fat Felix was informed by email that I’m already married but he is still coming to town anyway on business and wants to catch up whilst here and meet the guy that scuppered the ‘dream wedding’ plans that he had for us. The white lie of mine is paved with good intentions. Instead of having to explain that I’m thoroughly pathetic when it comes to upsetting people and would rather suffer on in silence (being the nice person that I always try to be) than admit when something is very wrong with a situation, until it normally reaches breaking point of which

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