How I Got The Most Bang For My Buck in Thailand

How I Got the Most Bang for My Buck in Thailand

M. Schwartz

Copyright 2012 M. Schwartz

All rights reserved.

Smashwords Edition

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this book are in no way intended to insult or offend the great people of Thailand. The author has complete respect for Thailand, its people, its government, and its Royalty: namely the King. Real names have not been used.

Don’t take this book too seriously, and please understand that if you act on any of the information in it, there may be a negative outcome. The laws in each country are different and you should understand the laws of any place you visit. The author does not claim to know the laws or any insider information about the system.

Thailand is a wonderful place, perhaps the greatest place in the world. The country, its people and the King should have your utmost respect at all times.

This book was written in the U.S., and any revenues from it come through the U.S., and any applicable taxes on such revenues are therefore paid in the U.S.

WARNING: The contents of this book belong to the author and are his intellectual property under copyright. The author uses a service that diligently fights against any unlawful use, distribution, or plagiarism of the book. We will use the full extent of the law, even internationally, in order to make an example out of anyone who breaks intellectual property and plagiarism laws with the material below.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1: HIV Lies

Chapter 2: Why Learning Fluent Thai is not Important or Even Something You Want to Show Off in Certain Situations

Chapter 3: New Helpful Technology/Money Savers

Chapter 4: Making Money in Thailand

Chapter 5: Your Looks

Chapter 6: The Biggest Slut in Thailand

Chapter 7: My Pussy is So Cold

Chapter 8: I Never Cheat on My Husband

Chapter 9: Call Me Crazy …

Chapter 10: You Mean You Really Only Give Massage?

Chapter 11: The Liar

Chapter 12: Stupidity Round 1

Chapter 13: Stupidity Round 2

Chapter 14: Stupidity Round 3

Chapter 15: Girl Who Was Always Late

Chapter 16: I Didn’t Know I Was Going Out Tonight

Chapter 17: Two Unexpected Visitors

Chapter 18: Hottest Girl in Thailand, Part 1

Chapter 19: Hottest Girl in Thailand, Part 2

Chapter 20: Hottest Girl in Thailand, Part 3

Chapter 21: Hottest Girl in Thailand, Part 4

Chapter 22: Designated Driver

Conclusion

Introduction

When I set out to write my first book, How to Get the Most Bang for Your Buck in Thailand, I wasn’t sure how well it would be received, whether people would like it, or that it would even sell. In reality, you don’t write a book of any kind with the intention of making sales. Yes, I know that sounds a bit out of the ordinary, but once you begin to write for the purpose of making money, you lose sight of the true reason why you set out with that computer and keyboard and began punching those keys in.

So I finished that book and published it and waited. The copies began to sell and that was a pleasant surprise, to say the least. I sat back and watched the numbers come in. We’re not talking about any major revelations of sales here; we’re talking about a fair number of copies though. But that wasn’t what got to me the most.

What I noticed after a short while was that ‘thank you’ emails began arriving in my inbox. It seemed that for every single copy of How to Get the Most Bang for Your Buck in Thailand I sold, there would soon be an email from a reader telling me how much this book helped them or how they found the information within it useful. Talk about stroking a guy’s ego!

These emails turned into conversations with so many of my readers. Either through email or instant messenging or even by phone, the conversations continued and I basked in every single one of them.

I had taken a great deal of time to go through all of the tips, tricks, and strategies that I included in that first book and all of those new conversations got me thinking about something that was swimming around under the surface, waiting for me to catch on to it and grasp it tightly: if I actually had all this wonderful information and advice to impart, then there must have been plenty of trials and errors that got me to that point. After all, you don’t go making the atomic bomb until you’ve had quite a few failures in the meantime, do you?

So, there I was chatting it up with all these wonderful guys who bought that first book and one theme continued to climb out from the depths and tap me on the shoulder every now and then. They wanted to hear about some of the experiences and escapades that I had that led me to write that book in the first place. They wanted to inside story about the man who lived enough in Thailand to impart the wisdom found in that first book.

And I obliged. I would recount certain stories, get a number of laughs or guffaws and even a few gasps of shock at what I told them. All in all, though, what many of those men had to say was that those were some amazing experiences.

Yes, they were. It’s funny, in an ironic sort of way, that you don’t take the time during the actual moment to appreciate what is happening to or around you. Time has to spread out before you for quite some time before it all starts to hit home and you realize just what you went through. Then you begin to understand that in every experience there are lessons to be learned. The problem is that so many of us are just too busy to realize what these lessons were.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t learn them! In fact, I bet you right now that while you’re reading this book, you’ll begin to remember some of the rare experiences in your own life, and then connect the dots to the way you are today with the lessons that that experience imparted.

So, the more I talked about my individual experiences, the more I realized that there was something more to them than simply stories. There was insight, lessons learned, and information that I could still pull from them. That led me to think that a follow up to that successful first book was not only possible, but almost required at this point. After all, how many times can I tell the same story over and over and over to different guys? Wouldn’t it be easier to just write them all down and put them together in one collection of the ‘Greatest Hits,’ so to speak?

I have built great friendships and connections with many of the men who purchased that first book and who have contacted me through the years. It has been overwhelming and exhilarating to think that I have been able to influence lives and shape the way some of these men enjoy Thailand and find success.

If the first book could be categorized as being a list of what to do, what not to do, where to go, and all that useful information, let’s just say that this book will be a little different. This book will tell you the true stories of some of my escapades with different women in Thailand. I figure that when you read them, rather than me pointing out the lessons that I gleaned from them, you can make up your own mind about all of it. Sometimes the best lessons are those we have to uncover for ourselves rather than having them spoon fed to you.

If you’re new to this amazing country or are just now considering making the move, then you’re sure to find some of these stories riveting. Even while I reread them, they still can strike me as being incredible and amazing. While some of them might make me sound a bit brash or insensitive, I assure you that I am neither of those; they are merely accurate recollections of some of the experiences I’ve had here in this beautiful country.

Now, for those of you who already read How to Get the Most Bang for Your Buck in Thailand, let me just say thank you, first and foremost. I hope you’ve found some great information in it that has helped you get the most out of your time here. I also want to assure you that although there are five brand new chapters of useful information in this book that weren’t in the last, this isn’t a rewrite. This isn’t meant to be a ‘second’ edition or reboot. It’s a companion. You don’t have to have read the first one to appreciate this one, either, though I honestly believe you’ll get a lot out of both of them.

The five new chapters in this book are:

1) HIV Lies and More Lies

2) Why Learning Fluent Thai is not Important or Even Something You Want to Show Off

3) New Helpful Technology/Money Savers

4) Making Money in Thailand

5) Your Looks

In chapter 5, you’ll get all of the most important information about what you absolutely must do with your appearance to get the best Thai girls. From fashion style to hair, skin, and everything else, it’s an important topic to cover. The level of acceptability here has changed dramatically during the past few years alone and I will give you some of the best tips you’ll find on the subject, regardless of your age. While some of you will need this chapter more than others, it’s a safe bet that we all need to read it.

Starting with Chapter 6, though, we’ll get into the personal accounts of moments I’ve shared with some amazing Thai women through the years. Please keep in mind that I will not reveal anyone’s identity, but will refer to each of them with the name ‘Noy.’ I told you, I’m sensitive and it’s only right to do that.

And when you purchase any of my books, you will get the opportunity to contact me directly. I am able to assist you with a great deal of information about relocating to Thailand, visa situations, the logistics of moving, negotiating rent or buying a home, legal questions, or if you simply want to find out what I think about a certain situation you have found yourself in with a local Thai girl, I’ll take the time to help you however I can.

Now, without further adieu, welcome to How I Got the Most Bang for My Buck in Thailand …

Chapter 1: HIV Lies

I want to be clear on something; I do not suggest or condone having unprotected sex with prostitutes. It’s stupid and risky to do it and you don’t really need me to tell you that. But, we all do stupid shit once in a while don’t we? It’s like Mike Tyson said in the movie, The Hangover, We all do dumb shit when we’re fucked up. The point of this section is certainly to give you some good news, but also to give you some advice based on many long hours of research.

I’ll start with the conclusion: If you have straight vaginal unprotected sex with a prostitute who appears to be healthy and clean and if you are healthy and clean – there just isn’t a good chance that you’re going to get HIV. Let me take that a step further: there is about a 1 in 20,000 chance that you’d contract HIV and that’s conservative. So all those restless nights regretting drunk encounters thinking of what you’re going to tell your family and friends now that you surely have aids, well they were sort of a waste. And trust me most men have had experiences like that and it really is a shame because it’s totally unnecessary.

If a man whose penis has no cuts has straight vaginal sex with a carrier, the odds are 1 in 1,000 that he’ll get it and that is a conservative estimate. And again, the odds are 1 in 1,000 if you're having unprotected vaginal sex with a carrier. A very knowledgeable doctor told me it could be like 1 in 10,000 if you're a healthy male with a strong immune system. Keep in mind that women get it much easier from regular intercourse.

But when you have sex with a pretty, healthy looking and clean prostitute who at least showed some desire to use a condom (indicating that she mostly uses condoms), there also isn’t a very good chance that she has it either. If she had it for a while she most likely wouldn’t appear healthy and glowing. In certain establishments she already would have tested positive for HIV and wouldn’t be allowed to work (in some places at least). If she’s pretty, she probably isn’t desperate enough to need to have sex without a condom just to make money. Granted if she’s pretty she may not use a condom on occasion because she doesn’t want to, but at least we know most of the time she would want to and wouldn’t pass on the condom purely to keep a