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    Conflict Resolution Training: 10 Rules and 8 Steps To Resolve Every Conflict Every Time
    Conflict Resolution Training: 10 Rules and 8 Steps To Resolve Every Conflict Every Time
    Conflict Resolution Training: 10 Rules and 8 Steps To Resolve Every Conflict Every Time
    Ebook98 pages1 hour

    Conflict Resolution Training: 10 Rules and 8 Steps To Resolve Every Conflict Every Time

    By Larry Barkan

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    About this ebook

    In this book, you will learn how to resolve every conflict every time. I can make such a bold statement because for almost 30 years I've been teaching people a proven method for doing so and I look forward to sharing my method with you.

    You see, contrary to what you may believe, conflict resolution is easy: Find out what people need and if you can and/or are willing to, give them what they need. If you can't or won't, the situation is called "take it or leave it" and that is an ultimatum, not conflict.

    This book will teach you how to apply this simple formula to real world conflicts of your choosing. The Rules and Steps that will allow you to do so are explained in clear, concise and easily understood language. Assignments associated with each Rule and Step will allow you to easily transfer the skills taught in the book to your real life circumstances.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLarry Barkan
    Release dateOct 2, 2012
    ISBN9781301305513
    Conflict Resolution Training: 10 Rules and 8 Steps To Resolve Every Conflict Every Time
    Author

    Larry Barkan

    I retired in 2014 after a 30 year career as a management consultant helping teams and individuals resolve conflicts that were preventing them from creating happy and productive lives. I can help you, too, IF you want to resolve the issues that come between you and the people in your life. I capitalized IF because resolving conflicts requires that the person who is the most difficult often doesn't truly want to arrive at a resolution. You may be surprised to learn that the person who is the most difficult is you. The reason conflicts don't get resolved is because you aren't aware of just how difficult you are. That is good news because it suggests that conflict resolution rests in your hands. That is bad news because you'll have to take responsibility for the conflict if you want to resolve it. Notice that I wrote "responsibility," not blame. There is no blame; there is only responsibility. In any case, my writings can help. I can be contacted at barkan9@cox.net.

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      Book preview

      Conflict Resolution Training - Larry Barkan

      Conflict Resolution Training

      10 Rules and 8 Steps To Resolve Every Conflict Every Time

      by Lawrence Barkan

      Smashwords Edition

      copyright 2012 Larry Barkan

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold

      or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Table of Contents

      Introduction

      Part 1: The Rules To Resolving Every Conflict Every Time

      Rule 1: The Goal Is To Create An Agreement To Which Everyone Is Committed

      Rule 2: You Cannot Avoid Conflict

      Rule 3: Conflict=Disagreement And Nothing More

      Rule 4: Unresolved Conflict=Disagreement + The Need To Be Right

      Rule 5: Give Up The Need To Be Right

      Rule 6: Your Point Of View Is Your Truth Not The Whole Truth

      Rule 7: Adopt The Perspective That The Other Person's Point Of View Is Always Right

      Rule 8: Replace The Word But With The Word And

      Rule 9: Take It Or Leave It Is An Ultimatum, Not Conflict

      Rule 10: You Can't Always Get What You Want. You Can Always Get What You Need

      Part 2: The Steps To Resolving Every Conflict Every Time

      Step 1: Choose Your Opening Move

      Step 2: If Your Opening Move Is Resisted, Stop Talking And Listen

      Step 3: Make Sure You Have Been Fully Understood

      Step 4: Build A Bridge To Collaborate Rather Than To Compete

      Step 5: Brainstorm To Create Options To Resolve The Conflict

      Step 6: Choose Solutions To Which People Are Committed And Not Just Compliant

      Step 7: Resolve Every Conflict In Your Life Every Time

      Step 8: Practice, Practice And Practice Again

      About The Author

      To Learn More

      Introduction

      This book will teach you how to resolve every conflict every time.

      I can make such a bold statement because for almost 30 years I’ve been teaching people a proven method for doing so. I’m looking forward to sharing this method with you.

      To get you started, here's the one action you must take to resolve every conflict every time: You must get curious about the difficult, opinionated, dictatorial, domineering, arrogant and/or stubborn people in your life. Don't avoid them. Don't belittle them. Don't talk about them behind their backs. Don't attack them. Imagine you are a conflict detective whose job is to unearth the clues that will solve the riddle of why these difficult people behave as they do.

      When you are curious about the difficult people in your life without trying to change them, you will find that they almost magically become less difficult. You'll learn why this is so in Step 2: If Your Opening Move Is Resisted, Stop Talking And Listen.

      Here's the catch: Few people listen to what other people say. Rather, they hear what they say to themselves about other people. In other words, people listen to their internal dialogue and not to what other people are actually saying.

      You see, conflict resolution is easy: Find out what people need and if you can and/or are willing to, give them what they need (see Rule 10). If you can't or won't, the situation is called take it or leave it and that is an ultimatum, not conflict (explained in Rule 9).

      Finding out what people need requires an ability to listen that, I'm going to suggest, you don't now possess.

      But you will.

      Why Read This Book?

      Consider what must happen for you to be delighted by your decision to invest your money and time in this book. After all, you’re going to spend dollars and hours that could be allocated to doing other things. You should expect to be delighted in return for your investment. Give some thought to the reasons you're reading. The clearer you can be as to what you want, the more likely it is that you will get it.

      You may be reading because you’re thinking of a specific situation that has been troubling you for some time. Or perhaps you want to find a way to handle a person who has been difficult to get along with. Perhaps conflict is simply a topic you want to learn more about. Pause for a moment and consider the best possible outcome that could occur as a result of your investment.

      What Does It Mean To Be Successful At Conflict Resolution?

      When you successfully resolve a conflict:

      •You get your needs met;

      •The people with whom you’re in conflict get their needs met, as well; and

      •Because of these positive outcomes, trust improves and relationships are strengthened.

      If you have come to this book looking for tricks or techniques to defeat someone else and be declared the winner of the conflict, then I suggest you look elsewhere. There are many other books designed to teach you how to win while others lose. However, winning in that instance requires constant vigilance lest your opponent find a way to beat you the next time. Trust actually decreases and relationships are harmed when that becomes your goal.

      The Rules and The Steps

      Part 1 explains the 10 Rules that will get you ready to resolve every conflict every time. These Rules are what you need to know for everyone to win.

      Part 2 will explain and give examples of the 6 Steps to follow to resolve every conflict every time. (Step 7 invites you to use the Rules and Steps to resolve the conflicts in your life. Step 8 discusses the importance of practicing the skills repeatedly).

      The examples I use throughout the book focus on two-person conflicts. If you engage in conflicts that involve multiple persons or even several groups of people, be assured that the skills you will need to be successful are the same in all cases. However, multiple person conflicts may take longer for the obvious reason that more people means more needs to be satisfied.

      Two Agreements To Ensure Success

      I request that you make two agreements with me in order to fulfill on my promise that you will be able to resolve any conflict.

      The first agreement I’m requesting is that you allow me to be your coach. I define coaching as interrupting. If I’m a successful coach, I’ll interrupt your usual way

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