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    Troilus and Cressida In Plain and Simple English (A Modern Translation and the Original Version)
    Troilus and Cressida In Plain and Simple English (A Modern Translation and the Original Version)
    Troilus and Cressida In Plain and Simple English (A Modern Translation and the Original Version)
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    Troilus and Cressida In Plain and Simple English (A Modern Translation and the Original Version)

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    About this ebook

    Comedy and tragedy fuse together in perfect harmoney in this classic play. Now if only you can understand it...

    If you have struggled in the past reading Shakespeare, then BookCaps can help you out. This book is a modern translation of Troilus and Cressidae.

    The original text is also presented in the book, along with a comparable version of both text.

    We all need refreshers every now and then. Whether you are a student trying to cram for that big final, or someone just trying to understand a book more, BookCaps can help. We are a small, but growing company, and are adding titles every month.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookCaps
    Release dateAug 1, 2012
    ISBN9781476259895
    Troilus and Cressida In Plain and Simple English (A Modern Translation and the Original Version)
    Author

    BookCaps

    We all need refreshers every now and then. Whether you are a student trying to cram for that big final, or someone just trying to understand a book more, BookCaps can help. We are a small, but growing company, and are adding titles every month.Visit www.bookcaps.com to see more of our books, or contact us with any questions.

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      Troilus and Cressida In Plain and Simple English (A Modern Translation and the Original Version) - BookCaps

      About This Series

      The Classic Retold series started as a way of telling classics for the modern reader—being careful to preserve the themes and integrity of the original. Whether you want to understand Shakespeare a little more or are trying to get a better grasps of the Greek classics, there is a book waiting for you!

      The series is expanding every month. Visit BookCaps.com to see all the books in the series, and while you are there join the Facebook page, so you are first to know when a new book comes out.

      Characters

      PRIAM, King of Troy

      His sons:

      HECTOR

      TROILUS

      PARIS

      DEIPHOBUS

      HELENUS

      MARGARELON, a bastard son of Priam

      Trojan commanders:

      AENEAS

      ANTENOR

      CALCHAS, a Trojan priest, taking part with the Greeks

      PANDARUS, uncle to Cressida

      AGAMEMNON, the Greek general

      MENELAUS, his brother

      Greek commanders:

      ACHILLES

      AJAX

      ULYSSES

      NESTOR

      DIOMEDES

      PATROCLUS

      THERSITES, a deformed and scurrilous Greek

      ALEXANDER, servant to Cressida

      SERVANT to Troilus

      SERVANT to Paris

      SERVANT to Diomedes

      HELEN, wife to Menelaus

      ANDROMACHE, wife to Hector

      CASSANDRA, daughter to Priam, a prophetess

      CRESSIDA, daughter to Calchas

      Trojan and Greek Soldiers, and Attendants

      SCENE: Troy and the Greek camp before it

      Comparable Version

      PROLOGUE TROILUS AND CRESSIDA PROLOGUE

      In Troy, there lies the scene. From isles of Greece

      The princes orgillous, their high blood chaf'd,

      Have to the port of Athens sent their ships

      Fraught with the ministers and instruments

      Of cruel war. Sixty and nine that wore

      Their crownets regal from th' Athenian bay

      Put forth toward Phrygia; and their vow is made

      To ransack Troy, within whose strong immures

      The ravish'd Helen, Menelaus' queen,

      With wanton Paris sleeps-and that's the quarrel.

      To Tenedos they come,

      And the deep-drawing barks do there disgorge

      Their war-like fraughtage. Now on Dardan plains

      The fresh and yet unbruised Greeks do pitch

      Their brave pavilions: Priam's six-gated city,

      Dardan, and Tymbria, Helias, Chetas, Troien,

      And Antenorides, with massy staples

      And corresponsive and fulfilling bolts,

      Sperr up the sons of Troy.

      Now expectation, tickling skittish spirits

      On one and other side, Troyan and Greek,

      Sets all on hazard-and hither am I come

      A Prologue arm'd, but not in confidence

      Of author's pen or actor's voice, but suited

      In like conditions as our argument,

      To tell you, fair beholders, that our play

      Leaps o'er the vaunt and firstlings of those broils,

      Beginning in the middle; starting thence away,

      To what may be digested in a play.

      Like or find fault; do as your pleasures are;

      Now good or bad, 'tis but the chance of war.

      Troy is where our play starts.From the Greek islands

      the proud princes, who have been angered,

      have sent their ships to the port of Athens,

      full of soldiers and weapons.

      Sixty nine who wore

      royal coronets sailed out from the bay of Athens

      towards Phyriga; they have sworn

      to destroy Troy, within whose strong walls

      the kidnapped Helen, queen to Menelaus,

      sleeps with lustful Paris - and that's what started the argument.

      They come to Tenedos,

      and the great ships there unload

      their military cargo.Now the fresh and yet to be

      wounded Greeks set up their great tents on

      the plains of Troy: the six gates of Priam's city,

      Dardan, and Tymbria, Helias, Chetas, Troien

      and Antenorides, with great bolts in matching

      brackets, protect the sons of Troy.

      Now anticipation stirs up the lively spirits

      on both sides, Trojan and Greek,

      putting everything to chance - and I have come here,

      a Prologue armed not with the weapons

      of an author's pen or actor's voice but dressed

      in a costume which suits this story,

      to tell you, dear audience, that our play

      skips over the opening skirmishes,

      beginning in the middle; it starts there,

      telling everything a play can.

      Like it or criticise, do as you will;

      whatever happens, we see it as the fortunes of war.

      SCENE 1. Troy. Before PRIAM'S palace

      Enter TROILUS armed, and PANDARUS

      TROILUS.

      Call here my varlet; I'll unarm again.

      Why should I war without the walls of Troy

      That find such cruel battle here within?

      Each Troyan that is master of his heart,

      Let him to field; Troilus, alas, hath none!

      Call my page here; I'll disarm again.

      Why should I make war outside the walls of Troy

      when I have such a battle raging inside me?

      Every Trojan who is the master of his heart,

      let him go to battle;Troilus, alas, is not!

      PANDARUS.

      Will this gear ne'er be mended?

      Will this business never be straightened out?

      TROILUS.

      The Greeks are strong, and skilful to their strength,

      Fierce to their skill, and to their fierceness valiant;

      But I am weaker than a woman's tear,

      Tamer than sleep, fonder than ignorance,

      Less valiant than the virgin in the night,

      And skilless as unpractis'd infancy.

      The Greeks are strong, with a skill that matches their strength,

      a fierceness which matches their skill, and a bravery which matches their ferocity;

      But I am weaker than a woman's tear,

      softer than sleep, more stupid than ignorance,

      as timid as a young girl in the night,

      and as lacking in skill as a child.

      PANDARUS.

      Well, I have told you enough of this; for my part,

      I'll not meddle nor make no farther. He that will have a cake

      out of the wheat must needs tarry the grinding.

      Well, I've spoken to you enough about this; I shall

      have nothing more to do with it.Someone who wants

      a wheat cake must wait for the wheat to be ground.

      TROILUS.

      Have I not tarried?

      Haven't I waited?

      PANDARUS.

      Ay, the grinding; but you must tarry the bolting.

      Yes, for the grinding; but you must wait for the flour to be sifted.

      TROILUS.

      Have I not tarried?

      Haven't I waited?

      PANDARUS.

      Ay, the bolting; but you must tarry the leavening.

      Yes, for the sifting, but you must wait for the dough to rise.

      TROILUS.

      Still have I tarried.

      I've still waited.

      PANDARUS.

      Ay, to the leavening; but here's yet in the word

      'hereafter' the kneading, the making of the cake, the heating

      of the oven, and the baking; nay, you must stay the cooling too,

      or you may chance to burn your lips.

      Yes, for the rising; but there's plenty that still comes after

      that, the kneading, making the cake, heating the oven,

      baking; and you must wait for it to cool too,

      or you might burn your lips.

      TROILUS.

      Patience herself, what goddess e'er she be,

      Doth lesser blench at suff'rance than I do.

      At Priam's royal table do I sit;

      And when fair Cressid comes into my thoughts-

      So, traitor, then she comes when she is thence.

      Whatever goddess Patience is,

      she doesn't suffer like I do.

      I sit at Priam's royal table;

      and then fair Cressida comes into my mind -

      so, traitor to love, she's there even when she's absent.

      PANDARUS.

      Well, she look'd yesternight fairer than ever I saw her

      look, or any woman else.

      Well, last night she looked more beautiful than I'd ever seen her,

      and more than any other woman as well.

      TROILUS.

      I was about to tell thee: when my heart,

      As wedged with a sigh, would rive in twain,

      Lest Hector or my father should perceive me,

      I have, as when the sun doth light a storm,

      Buried this sigh in wrinkle of a smile.

      But sorrow that is couch'd in seeming gladness

      Is like that mirth fate turns to sudden sadness.

      I was about to tell you:when my heart

      felt like it would split from sighing,

      I have covered up the sigh with a smile

      like when the sun shines in a storm,

      so that Hector or my father wouldn't notice.

      But sorrow hidden by faked happiness

      is like the laughter which fate will suddenly turn to sadness.

      PANDARUS.

      An her hair were not somewhat darker than Helen's-well,

      go to- there were no more comparison between the women. But, for

      my part, she is my kinswoman; I would not, as they term it,

      praise her, but I would somebody had heard her talk yesterday, as

      I did. I will not dispraise your sister Cassandra's wit; but-

      If her hair wasn't a little darker than Helen's - well, enough

      of that - nobody would think of comparing them.But, I must say,

      she is related to me; I don't want people to say I'm biased,

      but I wish people had heard her her talk yesterday, as I did.

      I won't put down your sister Cassandra's intelligence; but -

      TROILUS.

      O Pandarus! I tell thee, Pandarus-

      When I do tell thee there my hopes lie drown'd,

      Reply not in how many fathoms deep

      They lie indrench'd. I tell thee I am mad

      In Cressid's love. Thou answer'st 'She is fair'-

      Pourest in the open ulcer of my heart-

      Her eyes, her hair, her cheek, her gait, her voice,

      Handlest in thy discourse. O, that her hand,

      In whose comparison all whites are ink

      Writing their own reproach; to whose soft seizure

      The cygnet's down is harsh, and spirit of sense

      Hard as the palm of ploughman! This thou tell'st me,

      As true thou tell'st me, when I say I love her;

      But, saying thus, instead of oil and balm,

      Thou lay'st in every gash that love hath given me

      The knife that made it.

      Oh, Pandarus!I'm telling you, Pandarus -

      when I tell you that all my hopes are drowned there,

      don't tell me how many fathoms down

      they've sunk.I'm telling you that love

      of Cressida drives me mad.You say, 'She is beautiful'-

      you push it into my broken heart -

      her eyes, her hair, her cheek, her gait, her voice,

      are all subjects of your talk.Oh, her hand

      which makes all other white seem black,

      its soft touch makes cygnet's feathers seem harsh,

      makes the most delicate material

      as hard as a ploughman's palm!You tell me this,

      and you speak the truth, when I say I love her;

      but, when you say this, it's not a sweet medicine,

      you're twisting the knife of love in the wound.

      PANDARUS.

      I speak no more than truth.

      I'm only speaking the truth.

      TROILUS.

      Thou dost not speak so much.

      You're not saying half of it.

      PANDARUS.

      Faith, I'll not meddle in it. Let her be as she is: if

      she be fair, 'tis the better for her; an she be not, she has the

      mends in her own hands.

      I swear I won't interfere.Let her be what she is:

      if she's beautiful, good for her; if she's not, she can

      make herself so.

      TROILUS.

      Good Pandarus! How now, Pandarus!

      Good Pandarus!What do you mean, Pandarus!

      PANDARUS.

      I have had my labour for my travail, ill thought on of

      her and ill thought on of you; gone between and between, but

      small thanks for my labour.

      I've had to work at the job, with both you and her

      thinking badly of my efforts; I've been the go-between, but

      got precious little thanks for my efforts.

      TROILUS.

      What, art thou angry, Pandarus? What, with me?

      What, are you angry, Pandarus?What, with me?

      PANDARUS.

      Because she's kin to me, therefore she's not so fair as

      Helen. An she were not kin to me, she would be as fair a Friday

      as Helen is on Sunday. But what care I? I care not an she were a

      blackamoor; 'tis all one to me.

      Because I'm related to her, I can't say she's as beautiful as Helen.

      If she wasn't, I'd say I think she's as lovely in her normal clothes

      as Helen in her Sunday best.But what do I care?I wouldn't care

      if she was black, it's all the same to me.

      TROILUS.

      Say I she is not fair?

      Did I say she isn't beautiful?

      PANDARUS.

      I do not care whether you do or no. She's a fool to stay

      behind her father. Let her to the Greeks; and so I'll tell her

      the next time I see her. For my part, I'll meddle nor make no

      more i' th' matter.

      I don't care whether you did or not. She's a fool to stay

      with her father. Let her go to the Greeks; and that's what I'll tell her

      the next time I see her. For my part, I'll have nothing more to do with the matter.

      TROILUS.

      Pandarus!

      Pandarus!

      PANDARUS.

      Not I.

      Not me.

      TROILUS.

      Sweet Pandarus!

      Sweet Pandarus!

      PANDARUS.

      Pray you, speak no more to me: I will leave all

      as I found it, and there an end.

      Exit. Sound alarum

      Please, no longer speak to me: I will leave everything

      as I found it, and that's the end of it.

      TROILUS.

      Peace, you ungracious clamours! Peace, rude sounds!

      Fools on both sides! Helen must needs be fair,

      When with your blood you daily paint her thus.

      I cannot fight upon this argument;

      It is too starv'd a subject for my sword.

      But Pandarus-O gods, how do you plague me!

      I cannot come to Cressid but by Pandar;

      And he's as tetchy to be woo'd to woo

      As she is stubborn-chaste against all suit.

      Tell me, Apollo, for thy Daphne's love,

      What Cressid is, what Pandar, and what we?

      Her bed is India; there she lies, a pearl;

      Between our Ilium and where she resides

      Let it be call'd the wild and wand'ring flood;

      Ourself the merchant, and this sailing Pandar

      Our doubtful hope, our convoy, and our bark.

      Alarum. Enter AENEAS

      Quiet, you appalling racket! Quiet, vulgar sounds!

      You're fools on both sides! Helen must be beautiful,

      for you to be painting her with your blood like this every day.

      I can't fight for this cause; it's too pathetic an argument for me.

      But Pandarus–oh gods, how you torture me!

      I cannot get to Cressida except through Pandarus;

      and it's as difficult to persuade him to do my wooing

      as it is to get her to listen to it.

      Tell me, Apollo, out of your love for Daphne,

      what is Cressida, what is Pandarus, and what am I?

      Her home is India; she lies there, a pearl;

      between our Ilium and her home

      is the wild and open ocean;

      I am the trader, and this Pandarus

      is my uncertain hope, protector and means of access.

      AENEAS.

      How now, Prince Troilus! Wherefore not afield?

      Hello there, Prince Troilus! Why are you not at the battle?

      TROILUS.

      Because not there. This woman's answer sorts,

      For womanish it is to be from thence.

      What news, Aeneas, from the field to-day?

      Because I'm not there. This woman's answer is suitable,

      because not being there is to be like a woman.

      What happened on the battlefield today, Aeneas?

      AENEAS.

      That Paris is returned home, and hurt.

      Paris has come home, wounded.

      TROILUS.

      By whom, Aeneas?

      By whom, Aeneas?

      AENEAS.

      Troilus, by Menelaus.

      Troilus, by Menelaus.

      TROILUS.

      Let Paris bleed: 'tis but a scar to scorn;

      Paris is gor'd with Menelaus' horn.

      [Alarum]

      Let Paris bleed: he's got what he deserves;

      he's been wounded by the one he cheated on.

      AENEAS.

      Hark what good sport is out of town to-day!

      Hear what good sport there ison the battlefield today!

      TROILUS.

      Better at home, if 'would I might' were 'may.'

      But to the sport abroad. Are you bound thither?

      There would be better sport at home, if I had my way.

      But I'll go to the sport outside. Are you going there?

      AENEAS.

      In all swift haste.

      As quickly as I can.

      TROILUS.

      Come, go we then together.

      Exeunt

      Come on then, we'll go together.

      SCENE 2. Troy. A street

      Enter CRESSIDA and her man ALEXANDER

      CRESSIDA.

      Who were those went by?

      Who were those people who just passed?

      ALEXANDER.

      Queen Hecuba and Helen.

      Queen Hecuba and Helen.

      CRESSIDA.

      And whither go they?

      And where are they going?

      ALEXANDER.

      Up to the eastern tower,

      Whose height commands as subject all the vale,

      To see the battle. Hector, whose patience

      Is as a virtue fix'd, to-day was mov'd.

      He chid Andromache, and struck his armourer;

      And, like as there were husbandry in war,

      Before the sun rose he was harness'd light,

      And to the field goes he; where every flower

      Did as a prophet weep what it foresaw

      In Hector's wrath.

      Up to the eastern tower,

      where there are views over the whole plain,

      to see the battle. Hector, whose calm is usually

      unflappable, was angry today.

      He scolded Andromache, and hit his armorer;

      and, showing what a well-organised warrior he is,

      before the sun rose he had his armour on,

      and went to the battlefield; every flower there

      wept like a prophet at what it saw would happen

      due to Hector's anger.

      CRESSIDA.

      What was his cause of anger?

      What caused his anger?

      ALEXANDER.

      The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks

      A lord of Troyan blood, nephew to Hector;

      They call him Ajax.

      The rumour has it, this: amongst the Greeks there is

      a lord of Trojan blood, Hector's nephew;

      they call him Ajax.

      CRESSIDA.

      Good; and what of him?

      I see; and what about him?

      ALEXANDER.

      They say he is a very man per se,

      And stands alone.

      They say he's an extraordinary man,

      he stands alone.

      CRESSIDA.

      So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no

      legs.

      So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.

      ALEXANDER.

      This man, lady, hath robb'd many beasts of their

      particular additions: he is as valiant as a lion, churlish as the

      bear, slow as the elephant-a man into whom nature hath so crowded

      humours that his valour is crush'd into folly, his folly sauced

      with discretion. There is no man hath a virtue that he hath not a

      glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he carries some stain of

      it; he is melancholy without cause and merry against the hair; he

      hath the joints of every thing; but everything so out of joint

      that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use, or purblind

      Argus, all eyes and no sight.

      This man, lady, has taken on the qualities of many animals:

      he is as brave as a lion, vicious as a bear, ponderous as an elephant–

      a man whom nature has filled with so many moods that

      his bravery has become recklessness, his recklessness touched with

      discretion. There is no virtue in any man that he hasn't

      got a bit of, and there's no bad quality missing either;

      he gets depressed for no reason and is jolly when he shouldn't be;

      he has all the good parts of men, but strangely put together so that

      he is like Briareus, with many hands but so full of gout that he can't

      use them, or shortsighted Argus, with a hundred eyes but still blind.

      CRESSIDA.

      But how should this man, that makes me smile, make Hector

      angry?

      But why does this man, the sound of whom makes me smile, make Hector

      angry?

      ALEXANDER.

      They say he yesterday cop'd Hector in the battle and

      struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath ever since

      kept Hector fasting and waking.

      They say that yesterday he fought against Hector in the battle and

      struck him down, which wounded Hector's pride so much that he hasn't

      eaten or slept since.

      Enter PANDARUS

      CRESSIDA.

      Who comes here?

      Who's this coming?

      ALEXANDER.

      Madam, your uncle Pandarus.

      Madam, your uncle Pandarus.

      CRESSIDA.

      Hector's a gallant man.

      Hector's a brave man.

      ALEXANDER.

      As may be in the world, lady.

      As much as anyone in the world, lady.

      PANDARUS.

      What's that? What's that?

      What's that? What's that?

      CRESSIDA.

      Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.

      Good day, uncle Pandarus.

      PANDARUS.

      Good morrow, cousin Cressid. What do you talk of?- Good

      morrow, Alexander.-How do you, cousin? When were you at Ilium?

      Good day, cousin Cressida. What are you talking about?–

      Good day, Alexander.–How are you, cousin? When were you at Troy?

      CRESSIDA.

      This morning, uncle.

      This morning, uncle.

      PANDARUS.

      What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector arm'd

      and gone ere you came to Ilium? Helen was not up, was she?

      What were you talking about when I arrived? Was Hector armed

      and gone before you came to Troy? Helen wasn't up, was she?

      CRESSIDA.

      Hector was gone; but Helen was not up.

      Hector was gone; but Helen was not up.

      PANDARUS.

      E'en so. Hector was stirring early.

      I see. Hector was up early.

      CRESSIDA.

      That were we talking of, and of his anger.

      That's what we were talking about, and about his anger.

      PANDARUS.

      Was he angry?

      Was he angry?

      CRESSIDA.

      So he says here.

      So this one says.

      PANDARUS.

      True, he was so; I know the cause too; he'll lay about

      him today, I can tell them that. And there's Troilus will not

      come far behind him; let them take heed of Troilus, I can tell

      them that too.

      It's true, he was; I know the reason too; he'll do some damage

      today, I can tell them that. And Troilus won't be far behind him;

      let them look out for Troilus, I can tell them that too.

      CRESSIDA.

      What, is he angry too?

      What, is he angry as well?

      PANDARUS.

      Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.

      Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.

      CRESSIDA.

      O Jupiter! there's no comparison.

      O Jupiter! There is no comparison.

      PANDARUS.

      What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a man

      if you see him?

      What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you recognise a man

      when you see him?

      CRESSIDA.

      Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.

      Yes, if I've seen him before and know him.

      PANDARUS.

      Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.

      Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.

      CRESSIDA.

      Then you say as I say, for I am sure he is not Hector.

      Then you're saying the same as me, for I am sure he is not Hector.

      PANDARUS.

      No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.

      No, and Hector is not Troilus by a long shot.

      CRESSIDA.

      'Tis just to each of them: he is himself.

      That's fair to each of them: he is himself.

      PANDARUS.

      Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were!

      Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I wish he was!

      CRESSIDA.

      So he is.

      Well he is.

      PANDARUS.

      Condition I had gone barefoot to India!

      That's about as likely as me making a barefoot pilgrimage to India!

      CRESSIDA.

      He is not Hector.

      He is not Hector.

      PANDARUS.

      Himself! no, he's not himself. Would 'a were himself!

      Well, the gods are above; time must friend or end. Well, Troilus,

      well! I would my heart were in her body! No, Hector is not a

      better man than Troilus.

      Himself! No, he's not himself. I wish he was himself!

      Well, the gods rule everything; time must make things better or finish them.

      Well, Troilus, well! I wish my heart was in her body! No, Hector is not a

      better man than Troilus.

      CRESSIDA.

      Excuse me.

      I beg to differ.

      PANDARUS.

      He is elder.

      He is older.

      CRESSIDA.

      Pardon me, pardon me.

      I can't agree with you.

      PANDARUS.

      Th' other's not come to't; you shall tell me another tale

      when th' other's come to't. Hector shall not have his wit this

      year.

      Troilus isn't fully grown yet; you'll soon change your tune

      when he is. Hector won't be able to match his intelligence within a year.

      CRESSIDA.

      He shall not need it if he have his own.

      He won't need to if he has his own.

      PANDARUS.

      Nor his qualities.

      He won't have the same qualities.

      CRESSIDA.

      No matter.

      It doesn't matter.

      PANDARUS.

      Nor his beauty.

      Nor his beauty.

      CRESSIDA.

      'Twould not become him: his own's better.

      It wouldn't suit him: his own is better.

      PANDARUS.

      You have no judgment, niece. Helen herself swore th'

      other day that Troilus, for a brown favour, for so 'tis, I must

      confess- not brown neither-

      You're a poor judge, niece. Helen herself swore the

      other day that Troilus, for someone with a dark complexion, which he has,

      I must confess–not really dark–

      CRESSIDA.

      No, but brown.

      No, it is dark.

      PANDARUS.

      Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.

      I swear, to tell the truth, it's dark and not dark.

      CRESSIDA.

      To say the truth, true and not true.

      To tell the truth, it's true and not true.

      PANDARUS.

      She prais'd his complexion above Paris.

      She praised his complexion as being better than that of Paris.

      CRESSIDA.

      Why, Paris hath colour enough.

      Why, Paris has a good enough colour.

      PANDARUS.

      So he has.

      Yes he has.

      CRESSIDA.

      Then Troilus should have too much. If she prais'd him

      above, his complexion is higher than his; he having colour

      enough, and the other higher, is too flaming praise for a good

      complexion. I had as lief Helen's golden tongue had commended

      Troilus for a copper nose.

      So in that case Troilus has too much. If she praised him above

      Paris, then his complexion is redder than his; as Paris has

      a good enough colour, and Troilus is redder, then the praise

      is no praise at all. It would be just the same as if Helen had

      praised him for having a red nose.

      PANDARUS.

      I swear to you I think Helen loves him better than Paris.

      I swear to you I think Helen loves him more than Paris.

      CRESSIDA.

      Then she's a merry Greek indeed.

      Then she certainly shares out her Greek favours.

      PANDARUS.

      Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th' other day

      into the compass'd window-and you know he has not past three or

      four hairs on his chin-

      No, I am sure she does. She came to him the other day

      by the bay window–and you know he hasn't got more than three or four hairs

      on his chin–

      CRESSIDA.

      Indeed a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his

      particulars therein to a total.

      Yes, even a barman could quickly add up

      his total there.

      PANDARUS.

      Why, he is very young, and yet will he within three pound

      lift as much as his brother Hector.

      Why, he is very young, yet he can lift weights within three pounds

      of those his brother Hector can.

      CRESSIDA.

      Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?

      Such a young man thrusting so much up?

      PANDARUS.

      But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came and

      puts me her white hand to his cloven chin-

      But to prove to you Helen loves him: she came and

      put her white hand on his split chin–

      CRESSIDA.

      Juno have mercy! How came it cloven?

      Juno have mercy!How did it come to be split?

      PANDARUS.

      Why, you know, 'tis dimpled. I think his smiling becomes

      him better than any man in all Phrygia.

      Well, you know, it is dimpled. I think his smile suits

      him better than any man in all of Phrygia.

      CRESSIDA.

      O, he smiles valiantly!

      Oh, he smiles bravely!

      PANDARUS.

      Does he not?

      Doesn't he?

      CRESSIDA.

      O yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn!

      Oh yes, like the sun behind a rain cloud.

      PANDARUS.

      Why, go to, then! But to prove to you that Helen loves

      Troilus-

      Well, sucks to you, then! But to prove to you that Helen loves

      Troilus–

      CRESSIDA.

      Troilus will stand to the proof, if you'll prove it so.

      Troilus willbe pleased to accept it, if you can prove it.

      PANDARUS.

      Troilus! Why, he esteems her no more than I esteem an

      addle egg.

      Troilus! Why, he likes her no more than I like rotten eggs.

      CRESSIDA.

      If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle

      head, you would eat chickens i' th' shell.

      If you love rotten eggs as much as you love

      empty heads, you will eat half hatched chicks.

      PANDARUS.

      I cannot choose but laugh to think how she tickled his

      chin. Indeed, she has a marvell's white hand, I must needs

      confess.

      I can't help laughing when I think of how she tickled his

      chin. Indeed, she has a marvellously white hand, I must confess–

      CRESSIDA.

      Without the rack.

      And you don't even need to be tortured to do it.

      PANDARUS.

      And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin.

      And she said she could see a white hair on his chin.

      CRESSIDA.

      Alas, poor chin! Many a wart is richer.

      Alas, poor chin! There are many warts with more hairs on them.

      PANDARUS.

      But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laugh'd that

      her eyes ran over.

      But there was such laughter! Queen Hecuba laughed until

      she cried.

      CRESSIDA.

      With millstones.

      They can't have been tears of laughter.

      PANDARUS.

      And Cassandra laughed.

      And Cassandra laughed.

      CRESSIDA.

      But there was a more temperate fire under the pot of her

      eyes. Did her eyes run o'er too?

      But the pot of her eyes wasn't boiling over.

      Did she weep too?

      PANDARUS.

      And Hector laughed.

      And Hector laughed.

      CRESSIDA.

      At what was all this laughing?

      What was everyone laughing at?

      PANDARUS.

      Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus'

      chin.

      Why, at the white hair that Helen spotted on Troilus'

      chin.

      CRESSIDA.

      An't had been a green hair I should have laugh'd too.

      If it had been a green hair I should have laughed as well.

      PANDARUS.

      They laugh'd not so much at the hair as at his pretty

      answer.

      They weren't laughing so much at the hair as at his clever

      answer.

      CRESSIDA.

      What was his answer?

      What did he say?

      PANDARUS.

      Quoth she 'Here's but two and fifty hairs on your chin,

      and one of them is white.'

      She said, ‘there are only fifty-two hairs on your chin,

      and one of them is white.’

      CRESSIDA.

      This is her question.

      That's what she said.

      PANDARUS.

      That's true; make no question of that. 'Two and fifty

      hairs,' quoth he 'and one white. That white hair is my father,

      and all the rest are his sons.' 'Jupiter!' quoth she 'which of

      these hairs is Paris my husband?' 'The forked one,' quoth he,

      'pluck't out and give it him.' But there was such laughing! and

      Helen so blush'd, and Paris so chaf'd; and all the rest so

      laugh'd that it pass's.

      That's true; no doubt about that.‘Fifty-two

      hairs,’ he said, ‘and one is white. That white hair is my father,

      and the rest are all his sons.’ ‘By Jupiter!’ she said, ‘which of

      these hairs is my husband Paris?’ ‘The bent one,’ he said,

      ‘pull it out and give it to him.’ Everyone laughed so much! And

      Helen blushed so much, and Paris was so angry, and everyone else

      laughed so much I can hardly describe it.

      CRESSIDA.

      So let it now; for it has been a great while going by.

      I wish you wouldn't, you've taken your time over it.

      PANDARUS.

      Well, cousin, I told you a thing yesterday; think on't.

      Well, cousin, I said something to you yesterday; do you remember?

      CRESSIDA.

      So I do.

      Yes I do.

      PANDARUS.

      I'll be sworn 'tis true; he will weep you, and 'twere a

      man born in April.

      I'll swear it's true; he will cry for you like the April showers.

      CRESSIDA.

      And I'll spring up in his tears, an 'twere a nettle

      against May. [Sound a retreat]

      And I'll grow from them, like a nettle

      growing in May.

      PANDARUS.

      Hark! they are coming from the field. Shall we stand up

      here and see them as they pass toward Ilium? Good niece, do,

      sweet niece Cressida.

      Listen! They are coming back from the battle. Shall we stand up

      hear and see them as they pass on their way to Troy? Good niece, do,

      sweet niece Cressida.

      CRESSIDA.

      At your pleasure.

      As you wish.

      PANDARUS.

      Here, here, here's an excellent place; here we may see

      most bravely. I'll tell you them all by their names as they pass

      by; but mark Troilus above the rest.

      Here, here is an excellent place; here we can see

      very well. I'll tell you who they all are as they pass

      by; but look out for Troilus most of all.

      AENEAS passes

      CRESSIDA.

      Speak not so loud.

      Don't talk so loudly.

      PANDARUS.

      That's Aeneas. Is not that a brave man? He's one of the

      flowers of Troy, I can tell you. But mark Troilus; you shall see

      anon.

      That's Aeneas. Isn't that a great man? He's one of the

      greatest in Troy, I can tell you. But look out for Troilus; you shall see

      him soon.

      ANTENOR passes

      CRESSIDA. Who's that?

      Who's that?

      PANDARUS.

      That's Antenor. He has a shrewd wit, I can tell you; and

      he's a man good enough; he's one o' th' soundest judgments in

      Troy, whosoever, and a proper man of person. When comes Troilus?

      I'll show you Troilus anon. If he see me, you shall see him nod

      at me.

      That's Antenor. He's a clever fellow, I can tell you; and

      he's a good man too; one of the best thinkers in

      Troy, as good as anyone, and a fine figure of a man. When does Troilus come?

      I'll show you

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