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Just Because You're Suicidal Doesn't Mean You're Crazy: The Psychobiology of Suicide
Just Because You're Suicidal Doesn't Mean You're Crazy: The Psychobiology of Suicide
Just Because You're Suicidal Doesn't Mean You're Crazy: The Psychobiology of Suicide
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Just Because You're Suicidal Doesn't Mean You're Crazy: The Psychobiology of Suicide

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“Why do people kill themselves? Telling the story of the battle for her life from age 8 to age 32, this author reveals the hard-fought victory over her own suicidality. Randi Jensen answers the question why people kill themselves by bringing us a fascinating and illustrative view of suicide from the inside. Describing twenty-four long years of constant struggle with daunting thoughts, plans and suicide attempts, she gives us an insightful explanation of how suicidal thought develops over time through endorphin-driven neural pathways. She does this in a way that compels us to turn each page to learn more, to experience more, while garnering more understanding and even more hope.
You feel you are sitting with the author having a deep and heartfelt conversation. If you struggle with thoughts of suicide or you are in a relationship with someone who is, you need to read this book. Here is hope. Here are the answers you’ve sought for so long. Here you can go from a life clouded with suicidal thought to the clarity of knowledge and a joyful new way of living.
Here is the true explanation to the questions: “Why do people kill themselves? What do suicidal thoughts really mean and where do they come from? How do you stop suicidal thought patterns? Why do suicidal people think they are crazy? and How can I help someone who is suicidal?”
Here is where you learn how to keep yourself alive. And here is where you learn a definitive, cooperative, successful method of keeping someone else alive while they learn how to keep themselves alive.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherRandi Jensen
Release dateJul 28, 2012
ISBN9781476276939
Just Because You're Suicidal Doesn't Mean You're Crazy: The Psychobiology of Suicide
Author

Randi Jensen

Randi is currently Director of The Soldiers Project Northwest, a nonprofit organization providing free counseling for Afghanistan and Iraq veteran and armed service members and their families. With a specialty in treating suicidality, she is a Certified Chemical Dependency Counselor and a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with a private practice in Seattle, Washington. She is adjunct faculty at several universities and a popular speaker on various mental health subjects. Randi provides instruction in the formation of suicide prevention support groups based on a protocol she developed (Jensen Suicide Prevention Peer Protocol, JSP3© - www.jsp3.org ). Randi is also a contributing author to the publication “War Trauma and its Wake” (Routledge, Sept. 2012).

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    Book preview

    Just Because You're Suicidal Doesn't Mean You're Crazy - Randi Jensen

    Just Because You’re Suicidal Doesn’t Mean You’re

    Crazy!

    The Psychobiology of Suicide

    Randi J. Jensen

    -

    Copyright 2012 Randi Jensen

    Published by Randi Jensen at Smashwords

    The recommendations in this book should not take the place of medical and or psychiatric treatment. If you are actively suicidal, please save your life now and either phone someone who can be with you, phone the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255, go to the nearest hospital emergency room or call 9-1-1. You are not alone.

    Cover layout design by MotherSpider.com

    Cover Image by Jurgen Falchie

    BOOK DESCRIPTION

    Randi Jensen has brought us a fascinating and illustrative view of suicide from the inside. After 24 years struggling with her own suicidality she gives us an insightful explanation of how suicidal thought develops over time through endorphin-driven neural pathways. She does this in a way that compels us to turn each page to learn more, to experience more, to garner more hope and understanding.

    Moreoever, Jensen gives the world a new way of helping individuals who battle with suicidality — a way that plucks suicide out of the stigma of emotional instability and places it rightfully in the realm of neurobiology. This book is written in a way that you feel you are sitting with her having a deep and heartfelt conversation.

    About the Author

    Randi is currently Director of The Soldiers Project Northwest, a nonprofit organization providing free counseling for Afghanistan and Iraq veteran and armed service members and their families.

    With a specialty in treating suicidality, she is a Certified Chemical Dependency Counselor and a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with a private practice in Seattle, Washington. She is adjunct faculty at several universities and a popular speaker on various mental health subjects. Randi provides instruction in the formation of suicide prevention support groups based on a protocol she developed (Jensen Suicide Prevention Peer Protocol, JSP3© - http://www.jsp3.org). Randi is also a contributing author to the publication War Trauma and its Wake (Routledge, Jan. 2013).

    Table of Contents

    About the Author

    Prologue

    Chapter 1 Introduction: The last birthday party

    Chapter 2 Chronic Suicidality: A new perspective

    Chapter 3 The Beginning: Why suicidal thoughts feel good

    Chapter 4 Searching for the Roots: Surely I must be crazy

    Chapter 5 Fuel to the Fire: The pursuit of perfection

    Chapter 6 Slipping Sideways: An explanation of inexplicable behavior

    Chapter 7 The Final Progression: On the fence and spinning out of control

    Chapter 8 Direct Opposition: The mind-body in conflict

    Chapter 9 Relationship to God: Could this religion be killing me?

    Chapter 10 Recovery: Lifesaving relief

    Chapter 11 A Committed Plan: The Jensen Suicide Prevention Peer Protocol (JSP3)©

    Chapter 12 For Survivors: Moving through the loss

    Epilogue

    Appendix I: References

    Appendix II: Resources

    Prologue

    For 24 years, I thought everyone fought for their lives every single day the way I did. When I realized that others went about the business of their lives without the agony of unrelenting self-destructive thoughts, I came to believe that I must be crazy. I watched people and listened to how they felt about individuals who thought like me. They seemed to think thoughts like mine were crazy, too. To ward off these sentiments, I put on an act for everyone. The few family members I trusted with my depressive thoughts told me to get over it.

    This is the story of how I got over it. It took me 24 years, but for the grace of God, four women, and my education, I’m alive. When I began my studies in addiction, I recognized the nature of my compulsive thought patterns. When I studied neurology and the plasticity of the brain, I recognized my hope-driven thought patterns. When I studied the predictable patterns of tolerance-driven behaviors, I recognized the process of increasing lethality in my suicide attempts. When I studied the efficacy of social support in recovery from disease and discomfort, I recognized the dynamic needed for my and others’ healing.

    It is important to note that some of my family members may find events described in this book hard to believe. I have learned that members of a family can have very different experiences under the same roof. I do not hold any ill thoughts against anyone. Each member of my family has shown me respect and honor. My intent is not to hurt or impugn anyone. What happened in my life is my life; it has created a method of healing that I outline in this book. If it were not for the knowledge provided by my life’s struggles, I would not be so fulfilled in sharing the healing that I think this book and its contents can bring to others.

    This book is about that healing. It is about your healing. If you picked up this book after reading the title, then you are looking for answers. If you will read with an open mind and believe in yourself and the power of retraining your brain, you can heal or help someone else heal from suicidality.

    I suppose it would be wise to explain that the term suicidality is a relatively new addition to our language. Its meaning encompasses thinking about (ideation), talking about, planning for, attempting, or dying by suicide. The word suicidality spans the whole spectrum of thought, word, plan, and deed.

    In this book, I often use the word they for he or she, and their for his or hers simply because the proper lexicon of the third person singular and possessive becomes clumsy in the written word. I wanted your reading to move quickly and effortlessly.

    My editors worked tirelessly to remind me that my readers might be skeptical of my theory of how suicidality develops and perpetuates itself. Remember that my theory has not been proven as of yet. Right now, we have no way of proving what goes on in a suicidal brain, and induction of suicidal thought in order to perform research is most unethical. However, plans are in the works for research into the replication of the existing success of the Jensen Suicide Prevention Peer Protocol (JSP3)©.

    In my years as a counselor treating suicidality, I’ve been able to form lifesaving JSP3© support teams for military active duty and veterans, civilians, and their families. When I learned the devastating rate of military suicide, I knew I had to get involved with serving members of the military and their families. I am grateful to The Soldiers Project for giving me that opportunity. It is evident that my work with The Soldiers Project is the most rewarding work of my career so far.

    There are many who encouraged me during this laborious writing process. I received valuable advice from Marti MacEwan and Terry Markmann. Consultants Zak Alder and Nancy Campbell were integral in helping me ferret out salient points. My sister, Marilee. Dear friends Eileen Reed, H.F. and Lila Stansell, Joanne Murray, and former roommates, Susan Eckley and Jeanne Thompson, although not aware of my suicidality at the time, who were there for me nevertheless. Unwaveringly, angels unaware, they provided me with steadfast support just by being their loving, encouraging, accepting selves. In Mother Teresa’s words, Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. That sentiment was certainly true for me as I remember the many uplifting words I’ve received from friends and acquaintances in my life. One individual in particular buoyed me through the naissance of this writing endeavor. My wise and wonderfully lighthearted mentor, Irene Wood, was there for me every single word and turn of phrase until her passing in 2009. Editors Cathy Herholdt, Dorothy Melcer, and Lorissa Moffitt gave me stellar and dependable editing and content suggestions. I would also like to state my sincere appreciation for the honesty and openness of the courageous individuals interviewed for this book. Without your candid input, I could not have fleshed out many important issues. Indeed without my wonderful husband, John Butler, and his humor, I would probably have lost my mind. Welcome and reassuring reminders were ever-flowing from my loving JSP3© cadre of friends—Barb Palmer, Sharon Kaye, and Candi Ciochetti. Moreover, if it were not for the loving, caring, and resolute concern of my best bud and dear friend, former hiking and tennis partner, Stephanie Siri, I would not be here today. To her, I owe my life and the happiness I cherish today.

    Chapter 1

    Introduction:

    The last birthday party

    We sat at the dining room table celebrating one or another’s birthday like we’d done for decades. Two of us were facing the three framed antique gold button montages that sucked us in every time we glanced their direction. Intricate button designs sewn in intriguing patterns drew gazes into locked fascination. It never failed that someone would remark wistfully that they had inherited a box full of buttons from a favorite grandmother and thought, Gosh, I should frame them like that. If they really knew how hard it was, they would never attempt to do it. I bought them that way.

    Gold button montage

    We were all engaged in the planned dinner. I usually made the entrée; Barb, the salad, and Candi, the chocolate dessert. No one really wanted Sharon to bring anything because she admittedly did not cook and if she was assigned anything we would always have to wait until she went to Trader Joe’s to buy it. Over time, we learned the safest thing we could trust Sharon to bring was herself. Even then, she was usually late. But that was Sharon, and when she arrived, her vivacious personality would invariably kick-start the party. This went on for forty years.

    For many years, we would include various other friends, lovers, and in my case, my husband, John. But, always we abided by the same immutable rules:

    1. Everyone talks at 30,000 decibels.

    2. Everyone talks at once.

    3. No one finishes a sentence.

    This scenario would drive most people crazy, but this became the method by which we culled the less worthy. This particular evening was to become the most extraordinary of all the times we spent together.

    John, for some inexplicable reason, looked up from his pasta and said soulfully and deliberately, Thanks, you guys, for keeping Randi alive. He continued, I’m sure you didn’t know it then, but you did a great thing because I think she is going to save a lot of lives.

    Barb nodded in acknowledgement, appearing somewhat dismissive of John’s sentimentalism.

    Perceiving their lack of understanding, he explained, There was a reason that I can now see for all the drama back then—a purpose for you all to have gone through that stress, worrying constantly how and when Randi might make another attempt at suicide.

    He was thanking these women (and another dear friend in absentia) who endured the dread of another of my suicide attempts and the simultaneous relief of my next hospitalization at Cabrini Hospital’s psychiatric ward.

    There had been three stints at Cabrini. During each one, I managed to fake my way out. I even called a local gun shop from the lobby of the psych ward on my second stay. Determined to suffer no more, I was certain. This was it. I

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