Why Don't They Just Quit? What Families and Friends Need to Know about Addiction and Recovery.
By Joe Herzanek
5/5
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About this ebook
See Newer/Lower-priced Edition (slightly renamed): Why Don't They Just Quit? Hope for Families Struggling with Addiction.
Updated edition contains 6 new chapters: Heroin, Shame & Stigma, Harm Reduction, Marijuana and more.
Achieve the peace of mind that comes from knowing what works, what doesn't and why. Real-life solutions to help you now!
Watching a loved one immersed in an intense battle with alcohol and drug abuse may be the most difficult, complex and harrowing experience you'll ever have. This book offers a message of hope to families and friends, giving practical solutions so they can help anyone struggling with addiction to begin the road to recovery.
You'll discover:
-Why a person doesn't have to hit rock-bottom before getting help. (page 111)
-When helping is actually hurting. (page 57)
-Why quitting is not the same as recovering. (page 5)
-How to deal with a relapse. (page 187)
-How to receive 50 percent or more off the cost of treatment. (page 97)
-Why a parent would leave their child due to their addiction. (page 245)
-Why effective intervention doesn't have to be a surprise attack. (page 49)
Answers to over 30 common, and not so common questions.
Inspiring first-hand recovery stories from real people!
Praise for Why Don't They Just Quit?
This book was a God send! I have struggled as a parent of an addict for years, and now I am finally able to see that it is not in my ability to heal him! This book was life changing, LIFE CHANGING! I can now begin to recover myself, even if my child doesn't! Thank you Joe, for writing this book! ~Shelley K. (parent)
Joe's book helps us to understand the addiction and recovery process. He combines a lifetime of personal and professional experience dealing with this issue in a practical and highly personal overview. The book is excellent. I wish I had read it a year ago. ~Sheriff Joe Pelle, Boulder County, Colorado
As a Mother, I found this book to be full of empathy, tough-love and practical information. I especially appreciate that Joe included the spiritual part of recovery, which other resources often avoid. Most importantly, the underlying message that I learned was that anyone can recover. ~Vicki Beatty, Celebrate Recovery Leader/Covenant Chapel, Leawood, Kansas
This book will be valued by many, many people. A very meaningful gift of God's grace to families who need sanity in the middle of their runaway insanity. ~Mike Richards Jr., Director of Recovery Ministries/International Bible Society, Houston, Texas
Your story has encouraged me and helped me to deal with my son's problems and has given me great peace as a parent. I can put away the guilt and the shame, pick up my own pieces and move forward, helping him to do the same. ~Kathy Cowley, Parent, Longmont, Colorado
. . . stayed up late last night reading various parts of it; inspiring! This book is for people like me; someone with chemically addicted people in their life-- a must read for the addicted and those who care about them. ~Donna Schwartz, MFT, CAC III Valley Hope Treatment Services in Colorado, former Family Program Therapist of Parker Valley Hope Treatment Center
Many of you reading this book are facing the battle of your life. Alcohol and drugs consumed my daughter's life. I can't put into words the anguish of attending my daughter's funeral. I wish I would have had this book long ago. Maybe Mia would still be here. I didn't know how to help her. This book is full of answers I could have used. ~Pam M. (Mia's Mom), Niwot, Colorado
This book is a must read . . . I consider Why Don't They Just Quit? to be one of the top five recovery books for families. ~Nicholas Taylor, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist, National Expert on the Treatment of Methamphetamine Addiction
New! Revised/Updated Edition (contains valuable new insights, resource info and first-person accounts from parents who h
Joe Herzanek
Joe Herzanek, a man who battled his own demons of addiction over thirty years ago, says, "I know people can change. If I can do it, anyone can!" Joe's own life struggles and practical advice offer hope and solutions to those living amidst the turmoil of someone's alcohol and drug abuse. Chaplain Joe Herzanek is the president and founder of Changing Lives Foundation. As an addiction counselor in Colorado he spent over twenty years working in the criminal justice system as the Chaplain at the Boulder and Weld County Jails. Joe is the former host of Recovery Television, speaker, producer of several DVDs and author of the award-winning book "Why Don't They Just Quit?" Joe currently serves as a Chaplain at the Boulder County Jail in Boulder, CO. His passion is for helping men and women struggling with addiction, as well as their family members and friends. Chaplain Joe Herzanek and his wife Judy have three (adult) children, Jami, Jake, and Jessica, and enjoy the beautiful Colorado outdoors with their two Cairn Terriers, Lewis and Clark. Looking for an awesome speaker on addiction and how families & friends can help? Speaking Engagements with Author/Chaplain Joe Herzanek: To arrange a workshop or presentation at your organization call: 303.775.6493 or email: Jherzanek@gmail.com More info on Joe Herzanek Speaking Engagements: http://www.drug-addiction-help-now.org/speaking/speaking-engagements-with-author-chaplain-joe-herzanek
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Reviews for Why Don't They Just Quit? What Families and Friends Need to Know about Addiction and Recovery.
6 ratings1 review
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Admitting to, seeking help for and recovering from any addiction is an amazing accomplishment! And to share with honest transparency one’s own battles with raging internal demons is also admirable. But to exquisitely draft one’s story in black and white for all to bare witness to and in turn learn from is beyond extraordinary!Former addict Joe Herzanek turned survivor, warrior and counselor along with his wife and co-author Judy, reveal their story in Why Don’t They Just Quit. This book is real! Together as a family and as individuals, they have “walked the walk.” The raw, honest, in-your-face openness without excuses or embarrassment is so genuine you can’t help but relate to the struggle. We all have internal demons, just to varying degrees. But life-ruining addiction is not a battle to be won without an army along side you and Herzanek knows and admits to this fact. He identifies every manipulation, avoidance, denial, blame game, excuse etc. that addicts use to avoid responsibility. And he knows them all because he has used them all. This self-help book is the 2008 Indie Book Award Winner. It is well written and laden with real effective techniques for families and friends of addicts. What to do and what NOT to do; What to watch for; When and how to help; and so much more. I especially appreciated his straight forward, user-friendly approach; at times I felt like Joe was in talking to me in real time. The book is for everyone and anyone struggling not only with addictive personalities but also basic challenging parenting issues My favorites simple but powerful messages are: “Do you love your child enough to let him be mad at you? Don Williams“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” Robert Anthony
Book preview
Why Don't They Just Quit? What Families and Friends Need to Know about Addiction and Recovery. - Joe Herzanek
Chapter 1
A Look at My Life
Why write this book?
Kansas City, 1967:
On a dark summer night, my buddy Doug and I hop the chain-link fence at the end of the airport runway. After smoking some good weed, we sneak through the tall grass, lie on our backs and wait. Soon the ground trembles, the blinding lights of a huge jet flood the area and the deafening sound momentarily shakes our world. The jet is approximately fifty feet above us as it comes in to land—an incredible experience. Life at nineteen is fun.
Kansas City, 1972:
It’s about noon. I’m alone in my apartment. Some people were here last night but they left hours ago. I’ve been snorting coke since yesterday. My sinuses are a mess. I can’t inhale or breathe through my nose. I begin to think of ways to solve this problem. A soaking wet washcloth should do the trick. Lying on my back, on the couch, I put some rocks of cocaine in my nose, place the warm, wet washcloth over my face and let the moisture fill my nose and dissolve the drug. Bingo, it works! I’m a genius. Needles are only for drug addicts, so I won’t go there—I’m no junkie.
Some family members and a few friends have been bugging me about my drug problem.
I wish they would just mind their own business. I know what I’m doing. Besides, it’s not really a problem. I mean, heck, if it was, I’d just quit.
Longmont, Colorado, 2010:
I hate addiction. I hate the way it devastates families. Addiction to alcohol and drugs almost killed me. My life-threatening problem was killing my family as well.
Addiction took sixteen years of my life, and almost took it all. I was in bondage to my addiction, and caring people actually helped me to break it. I’m humbled to say I’ve been free from alcohol and drug abuse for over thirty years. Life is good. The sickness that robbed me of joy, peace, and happiness is now in remission. God has been good to me.
The road to recovery has not always been an easy one. I’ve had many days of struggle. But although this journey of recovery is tough at times, it is possible not only to survive, but also to enjoy life again. A faithful friend of mine, Dick Lane, used to tell me in my times of adversity, Every day is not a hot fudge sundae.
He’s right, of course, and I no longer try to medicate life’s challenges. After getting into recovery, I found that helping others was a great way to get my mind off myself. It also made me feel good. And, it’s a genuine feel-good—not an artificial, drug-induced one.
Through my own quest for knowledge and recovery, I was led to pursue training in the addiction and recovery field. I spent years working in jails and prisons in Colorado, as both a substance abuse counselor and chaplain. As a certified addiction counselor, I’ve worked with thousands of men, women, teens and their families to help them battle addiction. I’ve learned a lot over the years, as I’ve listened intently to many recovery stories. Writing this book is the latest step in a logical progression for me, a culmination of my personal experience and life’s work.
This chapter of my life—successful recovery—may spark a new hope in you. I believe in the old adage, You can’t keep it unless you give it away.
I can’t imagine going through such a life struggle without trying to redeem it for some good. Perhaps I can even help you to avoid a mistake that could save your family a lot of needless pain.
This book is about recovery from addiction—recovery for the addict, the family, and close friends. It is also about how to cope with life when you are dealing with addiction in your family, relationships, or the workplace. My own personal battle, my training, and countless hours working with others who are struggling has given me some unique insights. I’m a survivor, a combat veteran of sorts. I want you to know the truth about addiction, answer some of your most perplexing questions, and provide you with practical tools to help those you care about.
Success is to be measured
not so much by the position
that one has reached in life
as by the obstacles which he has overcome.
—Booker T. Washington
My story is not unique, although for years I thought it was. I felt alone, unable to find a way out of a very dark pit. If I found my way out of the trenches to recovery, I know that anyone can. It’s never too late to start the journey. I don’t care who you are or how bad your situation may be.
Dramatic changes are possible. I’ve seen recovery happen at all ages and stages of life. Teens and adults alike can win this battle. I have seen a seminary professor who waited until he was in his sixties to get help to overcome addiction. He’s now well into his seventies and having the time of his life. I’ve been blessed to hear about, and play a part in, so many lives that have been restored.
Quitting is a moment in time; it is not recovery. The word recover means to restore or bring back from loss, that which has been stolen.
My hope for those who read this book is for families to be restored. This all begins with knowledge and awareness. Families have been shattered because of the stronghold of addiction, and many loved ones have walked away not realizing there are options and ways to help the addict. This book is about solutions—what works, what doesn’t, and why. Life in recovery can be very, very good. It can even be fun again—for the whole family.
Quitting is a moment in time; it is not recovery.
Chapter 2
Dying for a Cold One
Why do we all take drugs?
From the delivery room to the nursing home, everyone has one thing in common: a desire to increase pleasure and decrease pain. Babies often come into the world crying. They come from the mother’s womb (98 degrees) to room temperature (72 degrees), and they are cold. A nurse wraps them in a nice tight blanket and places this fragile life into its mother’s arms, now content—until he gets hungry.
We all want comfort at every phase of life. And we don’t have to live long to realize that there is always something within us begging to be satisfied. Everyone can relate to this fact of life on some level. Realizing this is a crucial step toward helping your family and friends who are battling addictions.
Here’s the truth about drugs and alcohol: They are very effective for increasing pleasure or decreasing pain. They really do work, and many of them work fast. You don’t have to wait around and look at your watch: you can get instant pleasure or instant pain relief. Their effectiveness feeds into our culture of instant gratification.
So when you talk to your friend or loved one and tell them they need to stop using alcohol and/or drugs (something that has been working for
them for a long time), don’t be shocked when they look at you like you are the crazy one! They have a good idea what living life substance-free really means: going through withdrawal, seeking counseling, committing to a treatment program, making new friends, experiencing stress, getting a job, growing up, being responsible, and being a better spouse and parent. To the addict/alcoholic, none of this is going to sound better than using. I know it didn’t to me.
Drugs are very effective for increasing pleasure or decreasing pain.
One of the big problems for many dependent people (myself included) is that they don’t see the problem developing in the beginning. For most men and women, dependence is a slow and gradual process. Some will see their drinking as a reward: I worked hard today so I’ll reward myself with several drinks in the evening. No one I’ve known has purposefully set out to become an alcoholic or drug addict. In the beginning, using an addictive substance usually starts out as fun; but in the end, it becomes the very thing that robs their ability to enjoy life.
The dependent person knows how to feel better fast. Alcohol and drug use have become a way of life, a way of dealing with pain and experiencing pleasure. So expect recovery to be a battle—but a battle worth fighting. And I’m here to encourage you to believe that the battle can be won! Those in recovery can and do make dramatic changes in their