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    Xenophobe's Guide to the Germans
    Xenophobe's Guide to the Germans
    Xenophobe's Guide to the Germans
    Ebook92 pages1 hour

    Xenophobe's Guide to the Germans

    By Stefan Zeidenitz and Ben Barlow

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    About this ebook

    Teutonic torment

    In every German there is a touch of the wild-haired Beethoven striding through forests and weeping over a mountain sunset, grappling against impossible odds to express the inexpressible. This is the Great German Soul, prominent display of which is essential whenever Art, Feeling, and Truth are under discussion.

     

    Angst breeds angst

    For a German, doubt and anxiety expand and ramify the more you ponder them. They are astonished that things haven't gone to pot already, and are pretty certain that they soon will.

     

    Longer must be better

    Most Germans apply the rule that more equals better. If a passing quip makes you smile, then surely by making it longer the pleasure will be drawn out and increased. As a rule, if you are cornered by someone keen to give you a laugh, you must expect to miss lunch and most of that afternoon's appointments.

     

    Angst breeds angst

    Because life is ernsthaft, the Germans go by the rules. Schiller wrote, obedience is the first duty,” and no German has ever doubted it. This fits with their sense of order and duty. Germans hate breaking rules, which can make life difficult because, as a rule, everything not expressly permitted is prohibited.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherOval Books
    Release dateJan 1, 2008
    ISBN9781908120427
    Xenophobe's Guide to the Germans

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    • 3/5
      This is an amusing enough entry into the "Xenophobes' Guide" series, but has a negative undertone that can get wearing. It's not that I think that everything should be sweetness and light. But this book does seem to emphasize the negative aspects of current-day Germanness at the expense of more endearing traits. Since the authors are German, they know whereof they speak and can do so without grating. Still, their view of Germanness seems to me more reminiscent of the Germany of thirty or forty years ago than of Germany today.

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    Xenophobe's Guide to the Germans - Stefan Zeidenitz

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    Nationalism & Identity

    Forewarned or Wurst case scenario

    Traditionally viewed as a nation of square-jawed robots whose language sounds like something awful in the drains, whose cars out-perform all others and whose football team seldom loses, the Germans seem unassailable.

    Behind the façade lies a nation distinctly uncertain about where it is, where it is going, even how it got there.

    But behind the façade lies a nation distinctly uncertain about where it is, where it is going, even how it got there. Seeking refuge from the world’s uncertainties, on the one hand they rely on order and system, the State and the European Central Bank; on the other they retreat into the Angst of the soul, psychoanalysis and high culture.

    None of this anxiety should be mocked; humour is a quite separate category, to be viewed in a serious light. For the Germans, life is made up of two halves: the public and the private. The public sphere of jobs, officialdom, business and bureaucracy is radically different from the private one of family, friends, hobbies and holidays. What is fitting in the one is quite impossible in the other. In public, po-faced propriety is the order of the day. In private, Germans are as rich in oddities and quirks as any nation under the sun.

    As a foreigner you will, almost by definition, encounter public Germany first, and may never see more. This explains something of their reputation abroad. All those sausages, all that beer. Not to mention expertise in banking. And organizing.

    No other nation has a stronger sense of the importance of getting along with others. Tolerance is not only a virtue, it’s a duty.

    Now that German consolidation has become a reality, even non-xenophobes fear for the future. The Germans themselves are not so much fearful of foreigners as fearful of any foreign country getting a bad impression of them. German industrial and financial might causes the uneasy national conscience to stir. Are we becoming arrogant? Is our tolerance failing? Are we on the slippery slope that could lead back to the bad old days? There aren’t any firm answers to these questions, but the Germans, Europe’s neurotics, crave answers.

    If experience has taught them one thing, it is that there is no future outside the community of nations. No other nation has a stronger sense of the importance of getting along with others. Tolerance is not only a virtue, it’s a duty.

    How others see them

    The emotions which the Germans arouse in others oscillate between admiration and fear. They are thought of as efficient, self-obsessed, arrogant and domineering – altogether too good at finance and manufacturing.

    The Germans are thought of as efficient, self-obsessed, arrogant and domineering – altogether too good at finance and manufacturing.

    To the British the Germans can seem lacking in the decencies of reserve and stiff upper lip. But they have always had a high regard for German cleverness and thoroughness, somehow imagining that of all Europeans, the Germans are most like themselves. This quaint illusion probably has its roots in the fact that so many Germans have occupied the British throne or been powers behind it. The fact is that the Germans are nothing like the British, couldn’t be more different.

    Take the most obvious example: British national identity was laid down somewhere around the time of the Roman invasion, and despite the occasional blip, hasn’t really felt the need to question itself since. Germany, on the other hand, became a nation in the 1870s when it was effectively conquered from within by ‘Iron’ Chancellor Bismarck of Prussia. Most Germans still place more importance on regional loyalties, and these days will rank being German a poor third after being, say, Swabian first and European second.

    The French regard the Germans with suspicion and a measure of loathing, and seek to contain them by chumming-up. The Italians are dumbfounded by the Germans’ capacity to get things done without bribing anyone, but regard them as utterly lacking in style.

    The Swiss see the Germans as being basically on the right lines, but needing to try a little harder.

    For the Austrians a good German is one who is far away – preferably across the Atlantic, or even further. While they recognize that there is a cultural affinity between Vienna and Berlin, there is no affinity at all with their immediate neighbours, the Bavarians.

    The Swiss see the Germans as being basically on the right lines, but needing to try a little harder (after all, in Switzerland you may be fined for using the wrong colour plastic sack to put your rubbish in, while in Germany you are only fined for not using one).

    How they see others

    The Germans generally adore the British and have suffered in the past from unrequited love. Britain used to be the ultimate role model with its amazingly advanced political, social, industrial and technological achievements. The Germans regard the British as being very nice and mostly harmless. Almost German.

    They admire Americans for their (un-German) easy-going pragmatism and dislike them for their (un-German) superficiality. For the Germans, the United States is the headmaster in the school of nations, and accorded due respect if not always affection. Germans are strong believers in authority. ‘If you know how to obey then you too can be a master’ runs the refrain.

    Germans are strong believers in authority. ‘If you know how to obey then you too can be a master’ runs the refrain.

    With the Italians Germans have a close understanding because they have so much history in common. Through wars, invasion and other forms of tourism, a deep and lasting friendship has been established. Italian art treasures, food and beaches are thoroughly appreciated. There is also a connection arising from the fact

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