Restoration: Revolving Doors

you!

Preface

The adventures of my life weren’t always a walk in the park, but it was my life nonetheless. A huge part of it was spent within a constant battle in my mind. With so many rough mountains and strongholds, I felt that I just couldn’t win.

I chose the title, Restoration: Revolving Doors, due to my desire for you, the reader, to experience the spirit, in the form of a generational curse, which was released into my family. I also want you to read firsthand through my story how God restored me for His glory, thus binding the curse in the name of Jesus Christ. My sincere hope is that my story saves, delivers, and sets people free from the bondage that wreaks havoc in their families. My journey will help you to expose the enemy, while unveiling and uncovering the hideous sins that lurk within your families today. You will no longer be compelled to sweep them under the rug in defiance, fear, or denial.

As you read this book, you will notice how fear was the common thread that isolated our lives for several years. God placed this book in my heart many years ago, but I was too embarrassed and ashamed to expose the truth. Our family held a lot of dark, deep-rooted secrets. I am so glad to say that with the help of Jesus Christ and Christianity now being my true lifestyle of choice, I continually and consistently learn through the word of God. As it says in Romans 8:15: For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

Growing up in dark places, I searched for answers through counselors, therapists, psychologists, and endless medications. Until I was set free from bondage, I confronted my mother in my late thirties about my history. Since she gave her life to Jesus Christ, I knew she would be open and honest. I had to realize that when you ask for the truth, you have to be prepared to receive and accept the truth.

CHAPTER 1

Mary Helen Howe was born in Baltimore, raised by my grandmother, the late Dorothy E. Bess, and a product of the Catholic Church. She was one of seven children, six girls and a boy. Mother never met her biological father, nor had she ever seen a picture of him; but Grandma made up for that. Grandma was a bold, tenacious, and beautiful woman, inside and out. She had a heart for people. Grandma embodied great qualities. Mother recalled her as a wonderful dancer. Her favorite dance was the Jitterbug and she especially loved the song, Shake A Tail Feather! A great swimmer, Mother would watch her do the backstroke with ease. Grandma also played pinochle and the piano! Grandma would often bring Mother and some of the other children with her to the neighbor’s house. They sat around Grandma, listening intently, and were constantly amazed as she played Just a Closer Walk With Thee on the neighbor’s piano.

As sweet as she seemed, Grandma would also exhibit another side, a side that had her fighting at the drop of a hat, often throwing the first punch. She kept a knife in her bosom and never hesitated to pull it out to cut someone. Grandma used to cut and was cut. She was also known as a head buster, and with that came a street knowledge no education could buy. As a single mother with seven children, Grandma obviously had her share of life challenges and did her best to prepare for each one.

Grandma eventually married as the children grew older. Mother could only recall how Grandma suffered from physical abuse at the hands of her stepfather. He would beat, stomp, and punch Grandma as if he was fighting another man in the street. Often gone for months at a time, he quickly earned the nickname, Daddy Lucky. Ultimately, a rumor started going around the neighborhood. He wasn’t so lucky after all. Mother would eventually hear how her stepfather was murdered, at the hands of a white police officer, while shooting craps. The policeman hit him in the head repeatedly with his baton. Given the racial climate of the time, a black man being beaten to death by a white officer was hardly considered murder.

During this time, Mother could describe in detail, living poor and in dysfunction. She was seven at the time. The electricity was consistently off. This was actually considered normal, as many in the neighborhood could not afford it. Grandma used a coal and wood stove to cook meals (when there was food) and straighten Mother’s hair. At night, she used oil lamps for light. There was only one toilet in the house. Mother hated it because it was in the cellar, which was always pitch dark. There was always a pot in the bedroom to use and the children had to take turns taking the full pot to the cellar. Clothing was hard to come by. Mother’s shoes were often worn to the point of putting cardboard in the holes. When it rained, the cardboard would simply come out of the shoes. Mother was so embarrassed, it left her sad.

As Mother grew up, world events would cause an impact on the family. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s assassination in 1968 triggered brutal riots around the country, and Baltimore was no exception. Looting, fires, and violence rendered the city helpless for eight straight days. Federal authorities were called in to control the situation. In the end, there were numerous deaths that rattled the community, along with the discovery that some of Mother’s siblings actually took part in the looting. They figured it was an opportunity to stock the house with food, as it was scarce. No sense in letting bread, milk, and meat go to waste when there were mouths to feed. As a result of the riots, unemployment increased, the city was in shambles, and people were terrified. It was then that Grandma’s partying ways bubbled to the surface. Even though she was poor, Grandma had parties and lots of them. She also had multiple boyfriends in and out of her life. Loud cursing, drinking, and smoking became regular occurences inside the home.

Before long, two of Mother’s sisters left home. Mother and her remaining siblings were separated due to inadequate housing. Mother, her only brother, and one sister were placed in a foster home. Prior to being separated, all five children shared one bed. Mother was ten years old. She would remain in foster care for two years. There were times Mother ran away from her foster home to go back home. She wanted to be with Grandma. Period. The living conditions didn’t matter. 1058 Argyle Avenue in the infamous Murphy Homes Projects was where she felt she belonged. Grandma had to call Social Services to pick up Mother and take her back to foster care. When Mother and her siblings were eventually placed back home, things had definitely changed. Grandma was not the only one indulging in parties. So were they. Dorothy’s children wanted in on the action.

Mother loved to sing and dance. She used to sing first and second soprano. Going out with Grandma to watch her play the neighbor’s piano turned into Mother and her girlfriends dressing up to hit house parties on Friday nights. Mary Helen Howe would soon discover that like her mother, she was a quite a dancer in her own right. She would tear a floor up. If there was a popular dance, she knew it and knew it well. Mother also commanded attention as a young, beautiful girl with an hourglass figure. All the guys in the neighborhood were after her. Mother had a few boyfriends, but nothing serious. She seemed very interested in having boyfriends because she thought that was the thing to do. She stuck to what was familiar. Grandma’s lifestyle had seeped into her mind. With no real childhood, Mother did what many children do: she adopted the lifestyle that she was accustomed to. The late nights. The parties complete with drinking and smoking. The numerous boyfriends. When Grandma threw parties, the children would sneak sips of her drinks and retrieve cigarette butts so they could smoke.

By age fourteen, Mother was rebellious. Like Grandma, she always carried a fishing knife wherever she went and had to use it sooner than she thought. One night after dancing at a house party, Mother and one of her girlfriends stayed at the house and fell asleep on the sofa. Her girlfriend’s brother decided to try to take advantage of Mother while she was sleeping. She used her knife to fend him off, stabbing him in the knee. He was on crutches for some time after.

With no discipline from Grandma and no father figure at home, Mother lost desire for school. She played hooky from school for the entire school year. Every morning, Mother would act as if she was leaving for school. Once out of the house, she would take her books over her girlfriend’s house. Mother and her girlfriend would hide under the bed until her friend’s mother went to work. Once she was gone, they came from under the bed and spent the day playing records, dancing, and singing. Sometimes there were boys there, too. This continued until Grandma found out and sent Mother to an all-girls school for eight months. Upon Mother’s return, she really thought she had it going on. When she turned fifteen, all she did was hang out and watch her friends go to school.

But sixteen changed everything.

Mother became a very popular girl. Her friends wanted to do what she was doing, as Mother was becoming very bold in certain ways. School was not a priority, so she dropped out. She even asked Grandma if she could smoke. When you turn sixteen, Grandma said. Wanting to test the waters, one day Mother said to her sisters, Mommy said I could smoke. I have a cigarette right here and I’m going to light it up. They looked at Mother as if she was crazy. But she didn’t care, she felt fearless. As Mother lit that cigarette, Grandma saw her and all hell broke loose.

What the hell are you doing with that cigarette? Grandma quipped. Well Mommy, you said I could smoke when I turned sixteen, Mother calmly answered. Furious, but cautious, Grandma responded with a simple, Oh. Mother was literally shaking in her boots, but stood her ground. She was trying Grandma and it worked. Mother continued to spend a lot of time going out, trying to find relief. There was still the issue of little to no food in the house. She would visit friends and see their mothers cooking for them. That was something she desired from her own mother. Grandma would cook once in a while, but only when she was entertaining her boyfriend. They would simply lie around, relax, and eat. Some Sundays, she would fix a big dinner that carried them through the week.

Mother’s life seemed empty at times. Being a dropout was not working out as planned, so she was sent to an agency where high school dropouts could apply for job training. An opportunity came along for Mother to work at a veteran’s hospital in Baltimore. She applied and got the job. As part of the hospital staff, she was warned not to go to the store for any of the patients, as they would ask workers for certain things that did not align with their care. It didn’t take long before patients asked Mother to go to the store for cigarettes. The exchange would start with, Come here, little lady. Can you go to the store for me? Oh no! Mother answered. I can’t do that. Then she would see the sadness in their faces. Mother thought, They’re just veterans. Even with those feelings, she never said yes. She was starting to feel good about her job and did not want to lose it. Working in that hospital while wearing that all-white uniform and white shoes gave Mother a boost of self-confidence.

With her job and independence, Mother felt on top of the world. Grandma was happy to see her working and making money. These changes did not slow down Mother’s partying ways or experimenting. One weekend, she and her girlfriend were prepping to go out looking for a party and decided to indulge in AC syrup. This became a regular pastime. As they indulged, they would sit in the living room, enjoying the quietness and nodding off.

Fresh off their syrup high, they were out looking for a party. They ran into a guy that her girlfriend knew. He had a stocky build with a nice smile accented by a gold tooth. During those days, a gold tooth was the thing to get. If you had a gold tooth, it meant you had it going on. With his crown and gold in the front, and his remaining teeth a perfectly pearly white, his mouth literally shined.

He was well groomed with a sharp denim outfit (that was the thing to wear) and some nice sneakers. Mother’s girlfriend asked, Where’s the party at? We’re looking for a party to go to. He answered, Come on! I know where the party’s at. So they followed him. He ended up taking them to his friend’s house. The girls were looking for the typical house party: red light in the basement, hand dancing to fast songs, followed by slow dancing on the dance floor.

Instead, this was totally different. There were some people sitting around nodding in a dimly lit living room. Since Mother and her girlfriend were high anyway, they found a corner and stayed mellow like everybody else. With a few men and women around, this was technically considered a party. Soon after sitting down, a guy approached Mother and asked did she have a boyfriend because someone else wanted to come over and talk with her. Mother said, Sure, he can come over. I don’t have a boyfriend. So a different young man came over and started talking with her. At first she figured, I’ve heard it all now. But slowly his smooth talking was working. He said his nickname was Diddie Woe. Mother was quite taken with the man she would later know as Elijah Davis. His smile, charm, and scent drew her to him.

Mother melted like butter and before she knew it, she ended up in his arms. All the boyfriends she had could not compare to Elijah. He made her feel safe and secure, a feeling of love that she never felt before. Later that night, he walked her home. Those feelings continued to resonate through her mind, body, and heart. They made it to the front door and talked some more. Finally, she went into the house. She looked out the window to watch him leave and saw that he was still out there. Mother immediately went back out to talk with him longer. After Elijah left, Mother curled up in her bed, constantly thinking about him. He stopped by the next day and Mother nearly broke her neck trying to race to the door. Their conversation was mere small talk. Oh hi! she said. He asked, How you doing? Believe it or not, for all of Mother’s boldness, deep down she was still a shy girl. What are you doing today? she asked.

Most times, Grandma was home during the day, simply being a mother. It was still a struggle for her. With five children at home and welfare still not meeting the needs of the household, the refrigerator remained empty so many times. Even during this new time with meeting Elijah, Mother continued to watch Grandma scramble to put a meal together. She would manage to get a pot of beans, stew, or some sort of soup with bread or sometimes biscuits. Mother lived for Grandma’s biscuits. She also loved bean soup with ham hocks to eat with the biscuits. It was the best. The aromas in Grandma’s kitchen were wonderful in Mother’s sight.

But Mother was in love. Elijah Davis took her as his girlfriend without even saying so. He was very respectful to Grandma, although she didn’t like the fact that some boy was coming to the door for her daughter. One day, he took Mother to the store. He bought plenty of food and took it to the house. Grandma was impressed and needless to say, he won her heart. Every time he would come around, she would smile and say, How you doing? He asked, Is Mary home? Grandma would say, Yes! and called for Mother, Mary Helen, Mary Helen! Elijah’s at the door. During every visit, Mother was shy. She had so many emotions dancing inside and her heart was beating fast. She tried not to show her feelings on the outside, but she just smiled from ear to ear.

She could not contain herself. Elijah noticed, but liked the fact that Mother was still somewhat shy. As a hustler, he knew he had a good catch. Mother found out Elijah actually hustled on her block, at the corner of Argyle Avenue and Hoffman Street. She didn’t care because every night she was able to look out her window at her man. Having him within eyesight brought even more feelings of infatuation for her (and him, too). As the months passed, he would continue to come around and they would go on long walks together. Soon he was coming to her job during her lunch breaks. It was those little things that mattered so much to Mother. She started seeing that he was very overprotective during these instances. It was fine with her, she felt safe and secure with her boyfriend who was not afraid of anyone. By this time, he had a car and was driving her to and from work. Mother absolutely loved the long rides and quality time. Elijah even encouraged her to get behind the wheel. Every time she did, she shook like a bird in the wind.

Elijah took her to a vacant lot, which is now the Motor Vehicle Administration in Baltimore, and gave her driving lessons. He lined blocks up, showing her the ropes. Mother later earned her driver’s license. She was the first teenager in the neighborhood to do so. Having been on the job two